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Immigrants to a country should be forced to learn that country's language. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Immigrants to a country should be forced to learn that country's language. v. 1
When we speak about countries of the 3rd world, we note that they have a very low income and it’s a serious issue. In this essay, we’ll discuss whether the growing nations should depend on themselves only or the 1st world communities should help them. Some people think about the duty of rich societies towards the poor ones, and ask them to provide some aid. When we mention aid, we’re talking about food aid. For example, The rich should help with providing some food necessities to the hopeless. Another way to help them, is to help by giving good education, which will assist in thinking better for the future and finding ways to solve the problems they have. As the rich need to help, It’s also the responsibility of those nations to look for a suitable solution for the issues they have. IF they don’t try to fix them, they’ll never take a step forward. The first question they must ask is, why have we been like this? If they keep looking into the question, the main issue will be found, then they can look for a solution for it. In my point of view, the main issue is the dependency on the external aids and never search for the root of the situation that they’re in. Let’s look for the education system. The education system is so bad in those areas and need to be restructured, so the students learn things that they can use to help in righting the society. In conclusion, after looking into that matter, I see that both rich and poor parts of the world need to help with it and that the interference of both is mandatory.
When we speak about countries of the 3rd world, we note that they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low income and it’s a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
. In this essay, we’ll discuss whether the growing nations should depend on themselves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
or the 1st world communities should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
societies towards the poor ones, and ask them to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
. When we mention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
, we’re talking about food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
.
For example
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
with providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
food necessities to the hopeless. Another way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them, is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
by giving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education, which will assist in thinking better for the future and finding ways to solve the problems they have.

As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
, It’s
also
the responsibility of those nations to look for a suitable solution for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
they have. IF they don’t try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
them, they’ll never take a step forward. The
first
question they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ask is, why have we been like this? If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
looking into the question, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
will
be found
, then they can look for a solution for it. In my point of view, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is the dependency on the external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
and never search for the root of the situation that they’re in.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s look for the education system. The education system is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
in those areas and need to
be restructured
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the students learn things that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in righting the society.

In conclusion
, after looking into that matter, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and poor parts of the world need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
with it and that the interference of both is mandatory.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Immigrants to a country should be forced to learn that country's language. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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