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Some people prefer to live in small family units, while others think it is better to live in large family groups. Discuss both of views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people prefer to live in small family units, while others think it is better to live in large family groups. v. 1
Home is the most important part of life and while many people dream of a nuclear family, the rest prefer an extended one. In my opinion, the former have some advantages that outweigh the latter in terms of finance and emotion, therefore I lean toward a small family unit instead of a large group. Financial problem is the first thing people living in a large family must take account of. The more the world develops, the more living expenses increase. This results in people, especially the underprivileged, running into economic troubles. If those people have many children or other relatives whom must be cared for, then they will be put under great pressure. As a result, they have to do anything, including illegal things, to subsist, which infers that the crime rate will increase. When compared, the children who have a small family, obviously, get a higher living standard than the counterparts because all parents’ income is dedicated to them. This is going to lead inequality between those children and the young living in a big family are likely to feel unconfident or even silly. An extended family will deprive the members of showing their emotions. If there are many children in a family, it is inevitable for them to be in conflict. Some children will be excluded while others get together to build their own group. The parent might be not sensible enough to recognize sibling rivalry and have a busy schedule to share with them. Because of this, some children will suffer from severe depression. If the child is the only in its family, it will be nourished and pampered perfectly. In conclusion, large family groups have some drawbacks mentioned above and from my point of view, small family units are better choice.
Home is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of life and while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dream of a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, the rest prefer an extended one. In my opinion, the former have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages that outweigh the latter in terms of finance and emotion,
therefore
I lean toward a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
unit
instead
of a large group.

Financial problem is the
first
thing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take account of. The more the world develops, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
expenses increase. This results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
the underprivileged, running into economic troubles. If those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or other relatives whom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be cared
for, then they will
be put
under great pressure.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do anything, including illegal things, to subsist, which infers that the crime rate will increase. When compared, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
obviously
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standard than the counterparts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all parents’ income
is dedicated
to them. This is going to lead inequality between those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are likely to feel unconfident or even silly.

An extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will deprive the members of showing their emotions. If there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, it is inevitable for them to be in conflict.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
be excluded
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together to build their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
group. The parent might be not sensible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to recognize sibling rivalry and have a busy schedule to share with them.
Because of this
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will suffer from severe depression. If the child is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, it will
be nourished
and pampered
perfectly
.

In conclusion
, large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
groups have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks mentioned above and from my point of view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
units are better choice.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people prefer to live in small family units, while others think it is better to live in large family groups. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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