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Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? v.2

Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? v. 2
What is the difference between living in a small area of the countryside and in a crowded city? Some people propose that living in a remote town offers them a peace in their mind against the hustle life. On the contrary, others have a preference for liveliness and chances of a big city. As a member of the younger generation, I love a hustle and bustle lifestyle as an urban citizen both physically and mentally. First of all, great opportunities of occupation are one of my favourite criteria when living in a big city. Not only a full-time job in one of the chain companies, people also find a lot of part-time work in convenient shop. Moreover, a large city is probably associated with a high quality of infrastructure. Nowadays, more and more means of transportation are built, including high speed trains, technology taxies. People may be no longer afraid of being late from work with an inexpensive expense. One more physical benefit when living in an urban area is that even though coming back home late at night with an empty stomach, workers would not hardly be exhausted thanks to coffee shops, bars and restaurants lined up with every street. Beside modern physical conditions, a big city offers citizens a variety in forms of entertainment. For instance, in Ho Chi Minh City, the most crowded city in Vietnam, riding slowly in the street, people could see at least a movie theatre or a playground or a shopping mall or a bar every 1 kilometre. That is why Ho Chi Minh City is known as a city that never sleeps. Nevertheless, independence in daily life is also a reason why people love living in a large city. The lively lifestyle protects me from surroundings where people are always busy with their work and pay no attention to an individual’s life. In conclusion, I wholly have a preference for a bustle lifestyle in a big city. It is not only offers a high quality in physical and mental conditions, but also make me feel I am not meaningless when doing a lot of things in a busy surrounding environment.
What is the difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
area of the countryside and in a crowded city?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
propose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a remote town offers them a peace in their mind against the hustle life.
On the contrary
, others have a preference for liveliness and chances of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city. As a member of the younger generation, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
a hustle and bustle lifestyle as an urban citizen both
physically
and mentally.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, great opportunities of occupation are one of my
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
criteria when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a full-time job in one of the chain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
part-time work in convenient shop.
Moreover
, a large city is
probably
associated with a high quality of infrastructure. Nowadays, more and more means of transportation
are built
, including high speed trains, technology
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "taxis", the plural form of the noun 'taxi'?
taxies
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may be no longer afraid of being late from work with an inexpensive expense. One more physical benefit when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in an urban area is that
even though
coming back home late at night with an empty stomach, workers would not hardly
be exhausted
thanks to coffee shops, bars and restaurants lined up with every street.

Beside modern physical conditions, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city offers citizens a variety in forms of entertainment.
For instance
, in Ho Chi Minh City, the most crowded city in Vietnam, riding
slowly
in the street,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
at least a movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
or a playground or a shopping mall or a bar every 1
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometre' is British English.
kilometre
.
That is
why Ho Chi Minh City
is known
as a city that never sleeps.
Nevertheless
, independence in daily life is
also
a reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a large city. The lively lifestyle protects me from surroundings where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always busy with their work and pay no attention to an individual’s life.

In conclusion
, I wholly have a preference for a bustle lifestyle in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
offers a high quality in physical and mental conditions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me feel I am not meaningless when doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things in a busy surrounding environment.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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