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In some countries, the widespread use of the Internet has given people more freedom to work or study at home instead of travelling to work or college. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In some countries, the widespread use of the Internet has given people more freedom to work or study at home instead of travelling to work or college. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
With the advanced technology, people in modern society tend to study and work at home using online. Some insist that staying at home is harmful for studying and working, but I would argue that this has more positive effects on society and individuals. Admittedly, there are some disadvantages to telecommuting and taking online classes. To begin with, some students who do not have a self-discipline may find it difficult to continue to focus on study. This is because studying by themselves means that they always encourage them to keep studying as there could be many distractions outside the classroom setting. Therefore, many students could have difficulty maintaining their motivation. As a worker, there will be many collaborative tasks at work. Therefore, communicating through the Internet could be hard to share their ideas and discuss their mission. As a result, they could struggle to achieve their goals and it could cause a poor performance. However, I still believe that many benefits can be anticipated from the widespread use of the Internet. Since the technology has developed, many people can be available to have access to the Internet, regardless of time and a location. If some students want to take a famous lecturer’s class, they can attend this class on the screen. In addition, online classes are generally cheaper than in-class lecture. Considering that a majority of students put high priority on the cost, it is a better way to provide students with the different types of distance learning courses. Also, some employees find it easy to manage their time efficiently. Due to telecommuting, less commuting allows workers to save time and transport fees. Therefore, being ensuring extra time helps them to more focus on their work and to be creative. As a result, they can find a better way to make their career excellent. In conclusion, according to the aforementioned reasons, I understand that there are some drawbacks of using the Internet for studying and working such as the difficulty of self-discipline and cooperation with others. However, because of the efficient management of time and money, I believe that this should be seen as a positive development.
With the advanced technology,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in modern society tend to study and work at home using online.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
insist that staying at home is harmful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and working,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would argue that this has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on society and individuals.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to telecommuting and taking online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who do not have a self-discipline may find it difficult to continue to focus on study. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
by themselves means that they always encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
as there could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
distractions outside the classroom setting.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could have difficulty maintaining their motivation. As a worker, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
collaborative tasks at work.
Therefore
, communicating through the Internet could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and discuss their mission.
As a result
, they could struggle to achieve their goals and it could cause a poor performance.

However
, I
still
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits can
be anticipated
from the widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the Internet. Since the technology has developed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can be available to have access to the Internet, regardless of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and a location. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to take a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
lecturer’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, they can attend this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
on the screen.
In addition
, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
are
generally
cheaper than in-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
lecture. Considering that a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
put high priority on the cost, it is a better way to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of distance learning courses.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employees find it easy to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
efficiently
. Due to telecommuting, less commuting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
workers to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and transport fees.
Therefore
, being ensuring extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to more focus on their work and to be creative.
As a result
, they can find a better way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their career excellent.

In conclusion
, according to the aforementioned reasons, I understand that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of using the Internet for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and working such as the difficulty of self-discipline and cooperation with others.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the efficient management of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money, I believe that this should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the widespread use of the Internet has given people more freedom to work or study at home instead of travelling to work or college. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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