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It is better for young people to get advice from old people than young ones. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

It is better for young people to get advice from old people than young ones. v. 2
According to some people youngsters should get advice from their seniors rather than their peers. I can only partially agree with this view. While I do admit that our elders are wiser and more experienced than us, they may not always be able to give advice that is appropriate for the age we live in. On the one hand, our parents and grandparents have lived much longer than us. Thanks to the vast experience they have, they are a treasure of wisdom. Elders can be role models for young people who are still exploring the early stage of their life. Moreover, young people can learn from the mistakes of seniors. Getting advice from elders prevents them from going astray and committing the same mistakes that old people have made. On the other hand, since many old people had fewer opportunities to receive formal education, their thoughts tend to be more rigid and traditional. For instance, my 85-year-old grandmother still believes in the conservative Confucian theory that women are inferior to men. In her opinion, women should stay at home and take care of children. Furthermore, many seniors are highly superstitious and refuse to accept scientific wisdom. Many of them even refuse to consult a doctor when they fall ill and instead choose to follow some home remedies they learned from their parents. While some of these remedies have some scientific grounds, others are hazardous to our health and safety. To conclude, old people are worthy of youngsters’ respect. There are always important lessons that young people can learn when seniors share their life stories. At the same time, their values and outlooks on life tend to be traditional and may not always suit our life and times.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
youngsters should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
advice from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
rather
than their peers. I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view. While I do admit that our elders are wiser and more experienced than us, they may not always be able to give advice
that is
appropriate for the age we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.

On the one hand, our parents and grandparents have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
much longer than us. Thanks to the vast experience they have, they are a treasure of wisdom. Elders can be role models for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
still
exploring the early stage of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Moreover
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn from the mistakes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
. Getting advice from elders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from going astray and committing the same mistakes that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have made.

On the other hand
, since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had fewer opportunities to receive formal education, their thoughts tend to be more rigid and traditional.
For instance
, my 85-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
grandmother
still
believes in the conservative Confucian theory that women are inferior to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. In her opinion, women should stay at home and take care of children.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
are
highly
superstitious and refuse to accept scientific wisdom.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them even refuse to consult a doctor when they fall ill and
instead
choose to follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
home remedies they learned from their parents. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these remedies have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientific grounds, others are hazardous to our health and safety.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are worthy of youngsters’ respect. There are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lessons that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
stories. At the same time, their values and outlooks on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
tend to be traditional and may not always suit our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and times.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for young people to get advice from old people than young ones. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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