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tpo. 26. some people like taking their cell phones everywhere. Others prefer not carrying cellphones everywhere. Which one do you prefer? v.1

tpo. 26. some people like taking their cell phones everywhere. Others prefer not carrying cellphones everywhere. Which one do you prefer? v. 1
There are some believes that changing people’s attitude to other countries and culture is the most essential way to reducing the world’s underdevelopment. However, others disagree with it and claim that trading activities between countries are more important. This following essay will discuss both views and provide my own perspective about this. In my opinion, changing attitude is as important as trading. On the one hand, some people think that if you change your way of thinking, your preconception, your actions will be changed too. There are some mindsets of wealthy countries about developing countries that those people in these nations often lack of awareness and ignorant, so they assume that poor provincial always needs help. For instance, advanced country’s people will give aid and establish charity organizations in developing country, which make them more relied on international support. It is a short-term solution and we need a long-term way to solve this problem. So if people of developed country change their attitude to other countries, they will make poor people feel they are treated equally and have motivation to work harder to keep up with wealthier rustic. On the other hand, other people believe that increasing trading activities will reduce the world poverty. It is an actual fact that because of the high unemployment rate in third world countries, labour and production costs in these countries are very cheap. This attracts many investors from advanced nations in doing trades with many third world countries. And when trade volume increases, it will automatically create job opportunities for the native people, and gradually reduce the unemployment rate and poverty in developing countries. In conclusion, I personally think that both opinions are possible, and if we can combine them, the poverty will definitely be reduced.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believes that changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
attitude to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and culture is the most essential way to reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world’s
underdevelopment.
However
, others disagree with it and claim that trading activities between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. This following essay will discuss both views and provide my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective about this. In my opinion, changing attitude is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as trading.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
your way of thinking, your preconception, your actions will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
too. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mindsets of wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
about developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in these nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lack of awareness and ignorant,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they assume that poor provincial always needs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
For instance
, advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will give aid and establish charity organizations in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more relied on international support. It is a short-term
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
solution and
we need a long-term way to solve this problem.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their attitude to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel they
are treated
equally
and have motivation to work harder to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with wealthier rustic.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that increasing trading activities will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
poverty. It is an actual fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high unemployment rate in third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
and production costs in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
. This attracts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
investors from advanced nations in doing trades with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. And when trade volume increases, it will
automatically
create job opportunities for the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the unemployment rate and poverty in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.

In conclusion
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both opinions are possible, and if we can combine them, the poverty will definitely be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay tpo. 26. some people like taking their cell phones everywhere. Others prefer not carrying cellphones everywhere. Which one do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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