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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more difficult to educate children today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cellphones, online games, and social networking Web sites. v.574

It is more difficult to educate children today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cellphones, online games, and social networking Web sites. v. 574
New technologies support people to have a better life but also create some problems in society. Some people may state that it is problematic to educate kids today than it was in the past while others argue that cell phones, online games, and social networking Web sites encourage children to study. In my opinion, I suggest that these products will bring several disadvantages for kids and make teachers hard to educate them. First of all, it is too easy to be involved in social media nowadays. Children will always focus on their followers. To illustrate, one of my classmates Amy who has lots of followers on Instagram, she cares about how many hearts she gets and how many messages she receives. In contrast, focusing and spending time in the lessons and homework are the most important things for children instead of the networking Web sites. Second, cell phones and online games always disrupt students’ concentration. The scores of the games make them cannot focus on the homework. For instance, my brother plays computer games too much so he forgets his important test which results in a failure to enter a good university. Third, students may fail to create their own ideas if they rely on the cell phones to search the answers and assignments. To be specific, some students may search their paper on internet instead of books. They should stay in library and research. Cell phone and social networking Web sites decrease the chances of the students to learn more. Definitely, some people may state that cell phones, online games and social networking Web sites encouraging kids to cultivate their imagination. However, children still cannot handle their desires to use those products. Teachers should limit how long they use it and how to use it. To conclude, it is more difficult to educate kids today than in the past because they often use cell phones, online games and social networking Web sites. Furthermore, it may cause some problems for children and teachers.
New technologies support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have a better life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems in society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may state that it is problematic to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
Use "(today)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
today
than it was in the past while others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Web
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study. In my opinion, I suggest that these products will bring several disadvantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to educate them.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is too easy to
be involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media nowadays.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will always focus on their followers. To illustrate, one of my classmates Amy who has lots of followers on Instagram, she cares about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hearts she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
and how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
messages she receives.
In contrast
, focusing and spending time in the lessons and homework are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
instead
of the networking
Did you mean "Websites"?
Web sites
.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
always disrupt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
concentration. The scores of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them cannot focus on the homework.
For instance
, my brother plays computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
too much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he forgets his
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
which results in a failure to enter a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
university.

Third,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may fail to create their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
if they rely on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to search the answers and assignments. To be specific,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may search their paper on internet
instead
of books. They should stay in library and research.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Web
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
decrease the chances of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn more.

Definitely,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Web
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to cultivate their imagination.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
still
cannot handle their desires to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those products. Teachers should limit how long they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.
To conclude
, it is more difficult to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
than in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Web
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
Furthermore
, it may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and teachers.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more difficult to educate children today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cellphones, online games, and social networking Web sites. v. 574

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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