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Some people prefer to get advice from family and friends. Others prefer to learn through personal experience. Which way of learning do you prefer? Include details and examples in your explanation. v.1

Some people prefer to get advice from family and friends. Others prefer to learn through personal experience. Which way of learning do you prefer? Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1
Nowadays, schools in various parts of the world report that students tend to have behavioural problems. Unfortunately, this will make it harder for schools to educate students as problematic behaviours are likely to interfere with the education process. There are some reasons as to why students behave inappropriately. Firstly, the way society works these days affect students’ behavioural patterns. For instance, parents might spend more time at work than at home and as a result, children lack parental guidance, not knowing how they are supposed to behave. This, in turn, is likely to cause them to have behavioural problems. Secondly, such behaviours might be caused by external influences, such as the internet and television. Students, for example, might watch TV shows that use a lot of violence. Therefore, they are likely to imitate in real life by being more aggressive and using more violence. After all, students, especially teenagers, are easily affected by external parties. In order to counter such problem, teachers should be friendly while still maintaining their professionalism. By being friendly, teachers might be able to understand the students’ point of views and thus devise the right strategies to connect with them. This is because students are more likely to listen to teachers if they feel they can relate to the teachers and that the teachers understand them. Furthermore, it is also important to handle students patiently. This is really crucial since rough treatments might worsen their behaviours or encourage them to play truant. It is, therefore, wiser to be patient and guide students gradually to be well-behaved rather than using force to do so. In conclusion, behavioural problems result from the way society works these days (e. g. Lack of parental guidance) and external parties, such as bad influences from TV shows. Nevertheless, by understanding the students’ views and guiding them patiently, students can gradually change and behave in a more appropriate manner.
Nowadays, schools in various parts of the world report that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to have
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Unfortunately, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it harder for schools to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as problematic
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likely
to interfere with the education process.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons as to why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
behave
inappropriately
.
Firstly
, the way society works these days affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
patterns.
For instance
, parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
spend more time at work than at home and
as a result
, children lack parental guidance, not knowing how they
are supposed
to behave. This, in turn, is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likely
to cause them to have
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Secondly
, such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be caused
by external influences, such as the internet and television.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
,
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
violence.
Therefore
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likely
to imitate in real life by being more aggressive and using more violence.
After all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, are
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by external parties.

In order to counter such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should be friendly while
still
maintaining their professionalism. By being friendly,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be able to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
point of views and
thus
devise the right strategies to connect with them. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likely
to listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
if they feel they can relate to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
understand them.
Furthermore
, it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
patiently
. This is
really
crucial since rough treatments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
worsen their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
or encourage them to play truant. It is,
therefore
, wiser to be patient and guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gradually
to be well-behaved
rather
than using force to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
result from the way society works these days (
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
Lack of parental guidance) and external parties, such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influences from TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
Nevertheless
, by understanding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
views and guiding them
patiently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and behave in a more appropriate manner.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to get advice from family and friends. Others prefer to learn through personal experience. Which way of learning do you prefer? Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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