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Agree or disagree it is better to work for business owned by someone you don t know than the business owned by your family v.1

Agree or disagree it is better to work for business owned by someone you don t know than the business owned by your family v. 1
People are suffering from health issues as they are living modern lifestyle and food. This essay will discuss the causes, including having high work pressure and eating habits and to curb this apply the solutions, including maintaining work life balance and doing regular exercise. To begin with, one of the important reasons is that nowadays, a person is living an unhealthy life as they use technology in their workplace, so there is less physical work required, but jobs need high responsibility to deal with that. This will generate the problems, such as mental and physical stress, obesity, increase blood pressure. For example, to achieve one’s desire in life, start to work hard and they forget their responsibility towards their family, even not care about their selves also. Moreover, as they spend much time in their workplace, they start to eat the food which would not be considered as healthy, such as fast food. Thus, responsibilities and eating habit are the main reason for the health problems. On the other hand, there are some steps must be taken to solve the health issues. Firstly, after understanding the responsibilities one should maintain work and life balance, spends some time with their family, which gives them care and loves, this helps to solve the sickness related to the stress. Furthermore, there are certain recreational activities are there like, regular exercise, which helps one to maintain body and solve the problem related to the obesity. At last, to live decease free and happy life Government can create awareness about the working style so, they can avoid the health issue. In conclusion, modern technology changed peoples living style in many nations. While it introduces some health problems because of the increased job pressure and eating habits, but solved by managing work and life equality and taking part in the recreational activities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are suffering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues as they are living modern lifestyle and food. This essay will discuss the causes, including having high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure and eating habits and to curb
The verb 'apply' is plural. Did you mean: "this applies"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this apply
the solutions, including maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance and doing regular exercise.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons is that nowadays, a person is living an unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technology in their workplace,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is less physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
required,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
jobs need high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to deal with that. This will generate the problems, such as mental and physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, obesity, increase blood pressure.
For example
, to achieve one’s desire in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hard and
they forget their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
towards their family, even not care about their selves
also
.
Moreover
, as they spend much time in their workplace, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to eat the food which would not
be considered
as healthy, such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
and eating habit are the main reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.
Firstly
, after understanding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
one should maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance, spends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time with their family, which gives them care and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to solve the sickness related to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Furthermore
, there are certain recreational activities are there like, regular exercise, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
one to maintain body and solve the problem related to the obesity. At last, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
decease free and happy
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
life


This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
can create awareness about the working style
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they can avoid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issue.

In conclusion
, modern technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
peoples living style in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations. While it introduces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increased job pressure and eating habits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
solved by managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
equality and taking part in the recreational activities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Agree or disagree it is better to work for business owned by someone you don t know than the business owned by your family v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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