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Do you prefer to get advice from family and friends, or learning through personal experience? v.1

Do you prefer to get advice from family and friends, or learning through personal experience? v. 1
It is clear that well-known sports persons are paying higher salaries than the white collar employees like doctors and engineers. However, some people agree with this statement, while others think that all other professionals must be given salaries based on their performance and work. This essay intends to discuss about both views and my opinion will be mentioned in the following paragraphs. Firstly, players are getting attention from the media when they are performing well in the grounds. This means that if they executed the game perfectly, they definitely became popular by the media partners. Due to this, their stardom increases and leads to be paid in the much more salaries than other people. For instance, Indian cricket team captain Virat Kohli is paying a higher salary as compared to other professionals. On the other hand, many people are of the opinion that surgeons and engineering professionals are also to be paid better salaries, which suitable for their standards, instead of spending money on unnecessary sports activities. The working hours of these doctors and teachers are far more than that of the sports persons. Thus, the wages should be not varied between popular professionals and loyal workers, all are being paid in the same criteria. As a result, people feel to be satisfied with their work culture and it will help them to maintain a better planning. Having discussed arguments and counter arguments, in my opinion, it is necessary that salaries should be based on one's workplace and working criteria, not based on stardom and publicity. To conclude, I reiterate my statement by saying that all professionals like doctors and engineers as well as sportsmen are to be paid salaries based on their working nature.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that well-known sports persons are paying higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
than the white collar employees like doctors and engineers.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
based on their performance and work. This essay intends to
Did you mean simply "discuss both"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about both
views and my opinion will
be mentioned
in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, players are getting attention from the media when they are performing well in the grounds. This means that if they executed the game
perfectly
, they definitely became popular by the media partners. Due to this, their stardom increases and leads to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
in the much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, Indian cricket team captain
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
is paying a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professionals.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that surgeons and engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are
also
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
, which suitable for their standards,
instead
of spending money on unnecessary sports activities.

The working hours of these doctors and teachers are far more than that of the sports persons.
Thus
, the wages should be not varied between popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
and loyal workers, all are being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
in the same criteria.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel to
be satisfied
with their work culture and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to maintain a better planning.

Having discussed arguments and counter arguments, in my opinion, it is necessary that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
should
be based
on one's workplace and working criteria, not based on stardom and publicity.

To conclude
, I reiterate my statement by saying that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
like doctors and engineers
as well
as sportsmen are to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
based on their working nature.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Do you prefer to get advice from family and friends, or learning through personal experience? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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