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Some people prefer to focus their energy to excel in one activity. Other people prefer to participate in many different activities. Which method do you think is better for the development of a person's intellect and why? v.1

Some people prefer to focus their energy to excel in one activity. Other people prefer to participate in many different activities. Which method do you think is better for the development of a person's intellect and why? v. 1
In many countries, the demand for foreign food has become higher and higher in growth. Many people choose to buy imported food instead of domestic food. There are innumerable reasons for this phenomenon and steps could be set to grow for local food. There are several reasons why foreign food has evolved a great deal in many countries. One justification is that people often think that imported food seems more nutritious and better than domestic food. They claim that exotic food are cultivated in a better condition in which it is unnecessary to use pesticides. Another reason is that imported food is well selected before being exported to a nation. The authorities would not let shipping crates with low quality food be imported to their nation. Thus, customers could feel safer and rely on this reason to choose imported food which they know clearly about its origin. However, the trend explained above would adversely affect people who cultivate as well as selling domestic food and there are several measures that the government would do to help people in need. The first solution is that the state should make an attempt to put a constraint on the amount of food imported. By this method, the demand for local food could positively thrive by the rarity of foreign food. Another measure is by using one of the redeeming qualities of domestic food is cheap, the authorities could make a sales campaign to help local firms attempt to satisfy their customers’ demands. For example, Fahasa, the biggest bookstore in Vietnam, applied this method in their selling product strategy very well. They make numerous sales yearly, but they rarely discount for foreign product, and each time this campaign happened, the amount of Vietnamese books sold out was remarkably increased. In conclusion, the fact that the demand for imported food has increased and the reduction of producing food locally is attributable to several factors. This can be handled by adopting the above mentioned suggestions.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has become higher and higher in growth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. There are innumerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this phenomenon and steps could
be set
to grow for local food.

There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has evolved a great deal in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. One justification is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
seems more nutritious and better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. They claim that exotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are cultivated
in a better condition in which it is unnecessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
pesticides. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is well selected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being exported
to a nation. The authorities would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
shipping crates with low quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imported
to their nation.
Thus
, customers could feel safer and rely on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which they know
clearly
about its origin.

However
, the trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
above would
adversely
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cultivate
as well
as selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and there are several measures that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in need. The
first
solution is that the state should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an attempt to put a constraint on the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imported
. By this method, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
could
positively
thrive by the rarity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Another measure is by using one of the redeeming qualities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
, the authorities could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a sales campaign to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
local firms attempt to satisfy their customers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demands
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fahasa
, the biggest bookstore in Vietnam, applied this method in their selling product strategy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
numerous sales yearly,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they rarely discount for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
product, and each time this campaign happened, the amount of Vietnamese books sold out was
remarkably
increased.

In conclusion
, the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has increased and the reduction of producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
locally
is attributable to several factors. This can
be handled
by adopting the above mentioned suggestions.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to focus their energy to excel in one activity. Other people prefer to participate in many different activities. Which method do you think is better for the development of a person's intellect and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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