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Some people prefer shopping in shopping centres while others prefer local markets. What are the advantages of each. Which shopping experience do you prefer. . . v.1

Some people prefer shopping in shopping centres while others prefer local markets. What are the advantages of each. Which shopping experience do you prefer. . . v. 1
Now is the era of technology, therefore more and more parents believe that playing computers and tablets is a reasonable method to help their young offspring improve relative abilities. In my opinion, under a good parenting arrangement that this phenomenon brings a more positive development than the negative part. To my maid, using computers and tablets is the most effective way for children to learn and practice skills. Firstly, the latest information and knowledge are often published on the internet and computers are devices that use the internet which is monitored by parents easily. For example, they could limit the range of resources and control the time of play via certain specialized software for children, such as Green Net Work and Advanced IP Scanner. Secondly, a good study plan could not only improve children’s ability, but also stimulates their creativity. For instance, there is a course named The Little Engineer in Shenzhen where is the Silicon Valley of China, the training course is designed for ages 6 to 10, and they were instructed to use custom software for programming. There is an amazing result been find, all kids are enjoying the study and most of them can create a new program after 6 months learning, and some of their ideas were purchased by large IT companies. However, everything has two sides, if children have unrestricted access to the PC or tablets, they may be adversely influenced. Because many online information and games are full of violence, pornography and the dark side of society. For example, a famous online game called the GT5, in the game player is playing a role as a gangland, they can rob and kill civilians at will. These might make kids become violent, and phenomena like bully and violence at school increase. Thus, parents should take the responsibility to control this situation, otherwise, the consequences are worrying. In conclusion, although playing computers and tablets has some negative effects, it still is a good method for children learning and training their technology skills and abilities, if this under an effective arrangement.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
is the era of technology,
therefore
more and more parents believe that playing computers and tablets is a reasonable method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their young offspring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
relative abilities. In my opinion, under a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
parenting arrangement that this phenomenon brings a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
part.

To my maid, using computers and tablets is the most effective way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn and practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Firstly
, the latest information and knowledge are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
published on the internet and computers are devices that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet which
is monitored
by parents
easily
.
For example
, they could limit the range of resources and control the time of play via certain specialized software for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, such as Green Net Work and Advanced IP Scanner.
Secondly
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
study plan could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
ability,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
stimulates their creativity.
For instance
, there is a course named The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Little
Engineer in Shenzhen where is the Silicon Valley of China, the training course
is designed
for ages 6 to 10, and they
were instructed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
custom software for programming. There is an amazing result been find, all kids are enjoying the study and most of them can create a new program after 6 months learning, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by large IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

However
, everything has two sides, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have unrestricted access to the PC or tablets, they may be
adversely
influenced.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
online information and games are full of violence, pornography and the dark side of society.
For example
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
online game called the GT5, in the game player is playing a role as a gangland, they can rob and kill civilians at will. These might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
kids become violent, and phenomena like bully and violence at school increase.
Thus
, parents should take the responsibility to control this situation,
otherwise
, the consequences are worrying.

In conclusion
, although playing computers and tablets has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, it
still
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
method for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learning and training their technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities, if this under an effective arrangement.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer shopping in shopping centres while others prefer local markets. What are the advantages of each. Which shopping experience do you prefer. . . v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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