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Some people prefer outdoor activities. Other people prefer indoor activities. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

Some people prefer outdoor activities. Other people prefer indoor activities. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
The question of whether cutting-edge communication platforms is beneficial for education or not has attracted a great deal of debate in the community. Several individuals claim that utilizing the Internet in studying and teaching has become prevalent across the globe owing to its benefits, by stark contrast, others believe that it is eclipsed by certain drawbacks. In this essay, I will disseminate my viewpoints on both sides. In the first place, it is inevitable that the Internet is deemed to facilitate students and teachers to engage with a wealth of knowledge from the comfort of their homes by merely using several search engines such as Google or Bing. With the rise of innovative technology, users can easily access a profusion of learning materials on the Internet which are both available and updated. More significantly, there exist certain platforms that facilitate learners and professors to conduct a virtual meeting such as Zoom or Skype without being charged an amount of money. Consequently, students can study in their own time and at their own pace, regardless of one’s residence in remote regions of schedule plagued with other commitments On the other hand, protesters of this issue argue that Internet-based teaching and learning come with its share of several dilemmas. It is apparent that online studying requires intense self-discipline since the student’s learning process is not supervised by teachers. Should learners lack time management and organization skills, they may be more vulnerable to the various distractions prevalent on the Internet. As a result, students will be likely to procrastinate studying and start investing time in other leisure activities such as surfing social networking sites, which obviously place a negative impact on their academic results. Another observable demerit of using the Internet in studying is that students have a tendency to depend on the available documents while accomplishing homework. The high frequency of relying on technology may lead to the sheer idleness and the lack of creative thinking, which triggers learners to become inactive and lack basic knowledge by virtue of copying content from the Internet To recapitulate, besides its detrimental points, I have a strong belief that with the innovative technology online education is undoubtedly revolutionary and its potential is limitless. However, in order to promote digital learning effectively, students should be aware of the vitality of self-discipline and self-studying.
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
The question of whether
cutting-edge communication platforms is beneficial for education or not has attracted a great deal of debate in the community. Several individuals claim that utilizing the Internet in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and teaching has become prevalent across the globe owing to its benefits, by stark contrast, others believe that it
is eclipsed
by certain drawbacks. In this essay, I will disseminate my viewpoints on both sides.

In the
first
place, it is inevitable that the Internet
is deemed
to facilitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and teachers to engage with a wealth of knowledge from the comfort of their homes by
merely
using several search engines such as Google or Bing. With the rise of innovative technology, users can
easily
access a profusion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
materials on the Internet which are both available and updated. More
significantly
, there exist certain platforms that facilitate learners and professors to conduct a virtual meeting such as Zoom or Skype without
being charged
an amount of money.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can study in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
time and at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pace, regardless of one’s residence in remote regions of schedule plagued with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
commitments

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, protesters of this issue argue that Internet-based teaching and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This verb is used with the infinitive: "to come"
come
with its share of several dilemmas. It is apparent that online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
requires intense self-discipline since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
process is not supervised by teachers. Should learners lack time management and organization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they may be more vulnerable to the various distractions prevalent on the Internet.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be likely to procrastinate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
investing time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
leisure activities such as surfing social networking sites, which
obviously
place a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their academic results. Another observable demerit of using the Internet in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a tendency to depend on the available documents while accomplishing homework. The high frequency of relying on technology may lead to the sheer idleness and the lack of creative thinking, which triggers learners to become inactive and lack basic knowledge by virtue of copying content from the Internet

To recapitulate,
besides
its detrimental points, I have a strong belief that with the innovative technology online education is
undoubtedly
revolutionary and its potential is limitless.
However
, in order to promote digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
effectively
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be aware of the vitality of self-discipline and self-studying.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some people prefer outdoor activities. Other people prefer indoor activities. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
387 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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