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Some people prefer outdoor activities. Other people prefer indoor activities. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

Some people prefer outdoor activities. Other people prefer indoor activities. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
It is an undoubtedly fact that, many individuals say that economic progress is the one way to development of our nation. Although, others believe that there has a plethora Factors such as healthcare, education, poverty and human rights. So, it can be used for nation batter developing. The following paragraphs would shed light on several factors to achieve country success. To commence with the First notion that, some people say rather than economic progress has main but as well as many more things are Makes to develop the country. First and foremost, there is a main factor is education. If, masses study best material they Can became a doctor 'or' nurse in the future. As a result, a government should need to update the educational background So, the youngsters are unemployed. Secondly, the higher council needs to open some new small hospitals in countryside areas for the poor people. Consequently, these folks can get a good treatment in a some amount of money. Probing furthermore, if students are educated enough and get best degree they can recruit easily in any work. Which is better for national growth and also there will be some decline in Unemployment rate. Moreover, every human beings have the equal rights are necessary for people to achieve their true potential and for a society to develop. Last but not the least, the education is a key to success ourself as well as territory development, with the help of Schooling human can do better care choose their best rights and from there people can be used also measure the economic progression. To recapitulate, I would like to state that all the factors can be used to measure our country Progress but in my opinion, the role of good study is a more significant.
It is an
You used an adverb ('undoubtedly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('fact') instead of another adjective.
undoubtedly fact
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals say that economic progress is the one way to development of our nation. Although, others believe that there has a plethora
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Factors
such as healthcare, education, poverty and human rights.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for nation batter developing. The following paragraphs would shed light on several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
to achieve country success.

To commence with the
First
notion that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say
rather
than economic progress has main
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more things are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Makes
to develop the country.
First
and foremost, there is a main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
is education. If, masses
A determiner is probably missing here: "study the best".
study best
material they Can became a doctor 'or' nurse in the future.
As a result
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should need to update the educational background
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the youngsters
are unemployed
.
Secondly
, the higher council needs to open
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
hospitals in countryside areas for the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Consequently
, these folks can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
treatment in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of money.

Probing
furthermore
, if students
are educated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and
A determiner is probably missing here: "get the best".
get best
degree they can recruit
easily
in any work. Which is better for national growth and
also
there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
decline in Unemployment rate.
Moreover
, every human beings have the equal rights are necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to achieve their true potential and for a society to develop.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, the education is a key to success
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
ourself
as well
as territory development, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of Schooling human can do better care choose their best rights and from there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
also
measure the economic progression.

To recapitulate, I would like to state that all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to measure our country Progress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion, the role of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
study is a more significant.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Some people prefer outdoor activities. Other people prefer indoor activities. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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