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The charts below show the electricity generated in Germany and France for all sources and renewables in years 2009 v.1

The charts below show the electricity generated in Germany and France for all sources and renewables in years 2009 v. 1
Some people think that artists should be free to express their ideas. Although I agree that freedom of expression is important for artists to create their works, I think that there should be some restrictions. With the freedom of expression, artists are more likely to use a different way to think about the world or social issues that are not politically correct. Because they do not have to worry that their thinkings are different from what the government want them to have, they can come up with more creative ideas and maybe they will find a better way to face and solve the currently unsolved social problems. Also, when artists can use any form of expression, they can let people know their thinkings and invite others to think in their way. However, sometimes artistic works can be offensive and hard to be accepted. To attract more people to see their works and notice the issues that the artists care about, some artists might use dramatic methods to express their thoughts and it could make people feel really uncomfortable sometimes. For example, they might use violent or sexual images to appeal to people’s attention. If this kind of works is placed in public places, many children or even sensitive adults might feel disturbed. So, there must be some restrictions on artists. In conclusion, while I agree that artists need freedom of expression to create impressive works, I strongly believe that there should be some restrictions to make sure the creation does not give the society bad influence.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should be free to express their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that freedom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expression
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to create their works, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions.

With the freedom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expression
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about the world or social issues that are not
politically
correct.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry that their
Possible spelling mistake found.
thinkings
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from what the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
want them to have, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with more creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and maybe they will find a better way to face and solve the
currently
unsolved social problems.
Also
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
any form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expression
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know their
Possible spelling mistake found.
thinkings
and invite others to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
in their way.

However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
artistic works can be offensive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
. To attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their works and notice the issues that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
care about,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
dramatic methods to express their thoughts and it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel
really
uncomfortable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.
For example
, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
violent or sexual images to appeal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
attention. If this kind of works
is placed
in public places,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children or even sensitive adults might feel disturbed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions on artists.

In conclusion
, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
need freedom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expression
to create impressive works, I
strongly
believe that there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure the creation does not give the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay The charts below show the electricity generated in Germany and France for all sources and renewables in years 2009 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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