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Do you prefer indoor activities or outdoor activities? Use details and examples to support your explanation v.1

Do you prefer indoor activities or outdoor activities? Use details and examples to support your explanation v. 1
The human actions in the recent times have lead on causing devastating effects on the environment. It is argued by some people that the ministry should take the ownership of protecting the environment, whereas later believe, that it should be the responsibility of every individual. In my opinion, it should be a joint responsibility of the ministry and the citizens. To begin with, by using more of public transport, individuals can help in reducing the pollution levels. There has been a great amount of increase in the usage of automobiles by individuals. People use their own vehicles to commute to work which results in huge amounts of toxins which get released into the atmosphere by these vehicles, causing pollution. This is not only detrimental for the environment by also impacts the health of an individual. In a recent survey, the purchase of cars by people has increased by 8% as compared to the previous year. People should, therefore start using more public transportation, which would help in reducing the pollution levels in the city. However, without the intervention of the government, it is not possible to get the ideal results. The ministry needs to lay strict rules and regulations to reduce pollution. The major contribution of pollution comes from the factories, if the government sets a limit of emission of toxins from these factories. This could bring down the pollution levels to a large extend. The government can also work towards improving the public transportation system, which would encourage more individuals to use public transport. To conclude, only with the joint effort of the public and the government can help in protecting the environment. The citizens can use more of public transportation, which can reduce pollution levels and government can levy stricter rules and regulations which could support reduce the emission of toxins from factories.
The human actions in the recent times have lead on causing devastating effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the ministry should take the ownership of protecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, whereas later believe, that it should be the responsibility of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
. In my opinion, it should be a joint responsibility of the ministry and the citizens.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, by using more of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
. There has been a great amount of increase in the usage of automobiles by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles to commute to work which results in huge amounts of toxins which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
released into the atmosphere by these vehicles, causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
. This is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
detrimental for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
by
also
impacts the health of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
. In a recent survey, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of cars by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
increased by 8% as compared to the previous year.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should,
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
in the city.

However
, without the intervention of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, it is not possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the ideal results.

The ministry needs to lay strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
. The major contribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the factories, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
sets a limit of emission of toxins from these factories. This could bring down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
to a large extend. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
also
work towards improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation system, which would encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with the joint effort of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in protecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. The citizens can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can levy stricter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations which could support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the emission of toxins from factories.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Do you prefer indoor activities or outdoor activities? Use details and examples to support your explanation v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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