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Some people think multiple choice tests are better than tests which require you to write an essay. Other people think that tests which require you to write an essay are better. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think multiple choice tests are better than tests which require you to write an essay. Other people think that tests which require you to write an essay are better. v. 1
Some say, and I agree, that most celebrities have chosen to live in the public eye because it aids them in earning money more easily. Naturally, such openness also exposes them to the public at a high risk. It has stimulated a debate if celebrities have reason to complain when they feel the media are intruding into their private lives. In my opinion, it depends. It is the truth that some celebrities feed themselves to and even depend on media attention. The more interest they attract, the more opportunities they make. As an instance, Luhan, a famous star in China, plays a variety of roles in soap operas because of appealing to millions of fans who can benefit his career. Furthermore, some celebrities will expose their sensitive information exaggeratedly, such as love affairs with other stars, so that they try and make themselves more intriguing. Therefore, in this situation, complaining about media interference is unwarranted if celebrities seek attention by broadcasting their private affairs. However, if some media are intruding on celebrities privacy for their benefits without morality or principle, celebrities have the right to complain, even take action to protect their rights if they feel uncomfortable. As an example, some stars will ask help for the law to punish paparazzi who exposes their private information secretly in an unlawful way. To summarise, they have the right to complain when they feel the media are intruding on their privacy. Nonetheless, they need to take a rational way to deal with conflicts between them, considering if they violate the law. After all, compare to ordinary people, celebrities have less private life space and freedom.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
The comma is probably incorrect: "say"
say,
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have chosen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the public eye
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it aids them in earning money more
easily
.
Naturally
, such openness
also
exposes them to the public at a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. It has stimulated a debate if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have reason to complain when they feel the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are intruding into their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In my opinion, it depends.

It is the truth that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
feed themselves to and even depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
attention. The more interest they attract, the more opportunities they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. As an instance,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Luhan
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
star in China, plays a variety of roles in soap operas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of appealing to millions of fans who can benefit his career.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
will expose their sensitive information
exaggeratedly
, such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
affairs with other stars,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves more intriguing.
Therefore
, in this situation, complaining about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
interference
is unwarranted
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
seek attention by broadcasting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
affairs.

However
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are intruding on
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "celebrities'" or "celebrity's"?
celebrities
privacy for their benefits without morality or principle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have the right to complain, even take action to protect their rights if they feel uncomfortable. As an example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stars will ask
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for the law to punish paparazzi who
Did you mean "expose"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'paparazzi' should be used.
exposes
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
information
secretly
Consider replacing "in an unlawful way" with the adverb for "unlawful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an unlawful way
.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, they have the right to complain when they feel the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are intruding on their privacy. Nonetheless, they need to take a rational way to deal with conflicts between them, considering if they violate the law.
After all
, compare to ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
life space and freedom.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think multiple choice tests are better than tests which require you to write an essay. Other people think that tests which require you to write an essay are better. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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