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Some people think that government should spend as much money as possible on developing space technology for the exploration of the moon and other planets. Others think that this money should be spent on solving the basic problems of society on Earth. Whic v.1

Some people think that government should spend as much money as possible on developing space technology for the exploration of the moon and other planets. Others think that this money should be spent on solving the basic problems of society on Earth. Whic v. 1
Nowadays, by the introduction of technology and the increasing man’s curiosity to know more about the universe and its surroundings, space exploration can be inevitable. However some people believe that developing space technology for the exploration of the moon and other planets would be unnecessary while the money can be spend on the basic problems of the society. Although there are more essential issues in every society that must be tackled, the advantages of exploration should not be ignored. One of the areas that can be controversial is that there are many deprived areas on the earth that face a considerable number of harmful problems which require instant attention to be solved. For instance, some areas suffer from lack of basic and vital amenities required for life such as water and food. Therefore, when there are such crucial issues that must be solved immediately, spending extravagantly on space traveling does not seem logical or fair. Nontheless, as the technology develops and reveal more unknown facts and problems threatening human’s life, the need of knowing much more about our surroundings would be necessary. One of the threatening facts that should be considered is that one day not so far in the future we will be out of the resources on the earth. Consequently space researching and the chance of finding somewhere else to live in the future would be a good news. Therefore considering the probable future problems on Earth for the living creatures and searching for an alternative beyond the atmosphere of Earth can be even an essential issue for the scientists. Finally we can conclude that although there are more critical problems which need immediate action, spending reasonable amount of money on exploration and investigating the probable chance of life on the other planets can be helpful for our future generations.
Nowadays, by the introduction of technology and the increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
’s curiosity to know more about the universe and its surroundings,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
can be inevitable.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
technology for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
of the moon and other planets would be unnecessary while the money can be
Consider using the past participle "spent"?
spend
on the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of the society. Although there are more essential issues in every society that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be tackled
, the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

One of the areas that can be controversial is that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
deprived areas on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
that face a considerable number of harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which require instant attention to
be solved
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas suffer from lack of basic and vital amenities required for life such as water and food.
Therefore
, when there are such crucial issues that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be solved
immediately, spending
extravagantly
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
traveling does not seem logical or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Nontheless
, as the technology develops and reveal more unknown facts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
threatening human’s life, the need of knowing much more about our surroundings would be necessary. One of the threatening facts that should
be considered
is that one day not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
we will be out of the resources on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
researching and the chance of finding somewhere else to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
news.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
considering the probable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earth
for the living creatures and searching for an alternative beyond the atmosphere of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earth
can be even an essential issue for the scientists.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
we can conclude that although there are more critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which need immediate action, spending reasonable amount of money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
and investigating the probable chance of life on the other planets can be helpful for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
generations.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people think that government should spend as much money as possible on developing space technology for the exploration of the moon and other planets. Others think that this money should be spent on solving the basic problems of society on Earth. Whic v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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