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Some employers offer their employees subsidized member of gym and sport clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of his possible debate, and reach a conclusion. v.1

Some employers offer their employees subsidized member of gym and sport clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of his possible debate, and reach a conclusion. v. 1
Many people suggest their staff subsidies to be as a participator of acrobatic center or sports clubs, suppose that it may make their employees well-being and more beneficial in their working process, however there are those who think that is ineffective. Firstly, this essay will discuss that subsidies could be more effective and may lead to high levels of output and service of the company. Secondly, it will analyze that the company budget might spend on job training or day release programs. On the one hand, subsidies to the staff of the company probably could lead the work/life balance, and it will helpfully be improved. Moreover, it could develop not only their leisure but also, they will be more fulfilling. This may be more motivating that pay increments, perks, or financial rewards, such as bonuses, incentives, which they more likely to be hard to reach. Rarely do people realize the importance of stimulating the personals of the company to maintenance them feeling better, which means better job satisfaction. For example, in Russia in the Gaz-Oil company, an employer provides to their employee’s sports club that is close to the office for supporting them and reduce stress through an active lifestyle after working hours. On the other hand, obviously, subsidies to the employees are efficiently virtually and impossible quantified. Other words, a budget of a company could send to improve employees’ skills and ability to achieve better progressions such as professional training or day release programs. Its employers were not for the development of their staff, they would not get a better job perspective in the future. For an instant, in Europe, many companies allow their employee's ongoing training to improve their professional skills. In conclusion, it seems that healthy subsidies of employees are superficially attractive, while professional training would be a better use of company or Human resources.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest their staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subsidies
to be as a participator of acrobatic center or sports clubs, suppose that it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
well-being and more beneficial in their working process,
however
there are those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that is
ineffective.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subsidies
could be more effective and may lead to high levels of output and service of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Secondly
, it will analyze that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
budget might spend on job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
or day release programs.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subsidies
to the staff of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
probably
could lead the work/life balance, and it will
helpfully
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
Moreover
, it could develop not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their leisure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, they will be more fulfilling. This may be more motivating that pay increments, perks, or financial rewards, such as bonuses, incentives, which they more likely to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to reach. Rarely do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
realize the importance of stimulating the personals of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to maintenance them feeling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
, which means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job satisfaction.
For example
, in Russia in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gaz-Oil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, an employer provides to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee’s
sports club
that is
close to the office for supporting them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
through an active lifestyle after working hours.

On the other hand
,
obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subsidies
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are
efficiently
virtually
and impossible quantified. Other words, a budget of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and ability to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
progressions such as professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
or day release programs. Its employers were not for the development of their staff, they would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job perspective in the future. For an instant, in Europe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their employee's ongoing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, it seems that healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subsidies
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are
superficially
attractive, while professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
would be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
or Human resources.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some employers offer their employees subsidized member of gym and sport clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of his possible debate, and reach a conclusion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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