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Entertainment or leisure activities should be subsidized by the government To what extend do agree or disagree v.2

Entertainment or leisure activities should be subsidized by the government 2
Nowadays given to people' s stressful lifestyle, there is a pressing need to spend some time for entertainment and recreational activities. While it may first appear to be just individual' s responsibility to consider subject, I personally believe that this area needs to be supported financially by the government. There is no denying the fact that the available budget in a country should be primarily allocated to public services and some key infrastructure projects such as transportation system, healthcare, and education just to name. The reason why this is assumed, is that mentioned basic needs, in fact, determine the quality of people' s lives. For example, does not the government spend adequate money on hospitals, the health of their society may decline. Similarly, this also occurs about educational institutions. In this perspective, something like leisure activities are placed in lower degree of importance and actually these are inhabitants who are responsible for supplying required money in this field. However, this does not mean that entertainment should be completely neglected. To begin, allocating budget to promote somewhere such as sports center, swimming pools, beaches, public libraries, zoological gardens and so on is not only entertaining, but also can be a rich source of earning money. For instance, preparing unique facilities near the sea can persuade tourist to be there. As a consequence, new job opportunities will be created for residents living there. Moreover, it is claimed that stress, which is the main reason for many diseases among particularly young people, can be relieved by implementing leisure activities. In other words a small amount of money subsidized for recreational activities leads to saving an enormous amount from health care sector in the near future. In conclusion, numerous benefits can be gained from financial help in entertainment and leisure activities. It is highly recommended that governments around the world take subject into account.
Nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s stressful lifestyle, there is a pressing need to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time for entertainment and recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. While it may
first
appear to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
Possible spelling mistake found.
individual&
#039; s responsibility to consider subject, I
personally
believe that this area needs to
be supported
financially
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

There is no denying the fact that the available budget in a country should be
primarily
allocated to public services and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
key infrastructure projects such as transportation system, healthcare, and education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to name. The reason why this
is assumed
, is that mentioned basic needs, in fact, determine the quality of
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, does not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spend adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on hospitals, the health of their society may decline.
Similarly
, this
also
occurs about educational institutions. In this perspective, something like leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are placed
in lower degree of importance and actually these are inhabitants who are responsible for supplying required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in this field.

However
, this does not mean that entertainment should be completely neglected. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, allocating budget to promote somewhere such as sports center, swimming pools, beaches, public libraries, zoological gardens and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
entertaining,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can be a rich source of earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
, preparing unique facilities near the sea can persuade tourist to be there. As a consequence, new job opportunities will
be created
for residents living there.
Moreover
, it
is claimed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which is the main reason for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases among
particularly
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, can
be relieved
by implementing leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
In other words
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
subsidized for recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
leads to saving an enormous amount from health care sector in the near future.

In conclusion
, numerous benefits can
be gained
from financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in entertainment and leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It is
highly
recommended that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
around the world take subject into account.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Entertainment or leisure activities should be subsidized by the government 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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