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Some people like to work in a company which offers high salary. Some others think that it is good to work in a company which offers a good working atmosphere. What is your opinion? Discuss both the views with examples. v.1

Some people like to work in a company which offers high salary. Some others think that it is good to work in a company which offers a good working atmosphere. What is your opinion? v. 1
Few individuals prefer high pain jobs, while others opine to work in good atmosphere. although, both the options is essential for the employee. however, for my opinion, it is basically a matter of personal experience it differs from person to person. The essay delineate on both the view with relevant examples. To begin with, in developing countries, many families have a single source of income so they definitely prefer to work with high salary in the organisation the people do not get any support from the growth, all of these factors encourage them to work with high paid jobs them to work with high paid jobs and also improve their career growth. for instance, in research one MNC companies moreover believe that employee deliver their best performance by paying more wages. Consequently, few individuals, mostly prefer to work with high salary. On the flip side, developed countries does not bother about the pay, although there are families who do multiple jobs. Despite these countries has a lot of benefits from the government. Nevertheless, they choose to work in a good atmosphere. For example, companies believe that employees are being active and they would not feel much pressure by working in good surroundings, thus, few people prefer to work with healthy atmosphere. To summarise, analysing both the inabilities, from my opinion working in good atmosphere an employee feel relaxed and also it is necessary to have reasonable salary to fulfil their needs, thus money is as important as the quality of the workplace.
Few individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
pain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, while others opine to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
atmosphere.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
although
, both the options is essential for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, for my opinion, it is
basically
a matter of personal experience it differs from person to person. The essay
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "delineates".
delineate
on both the view with relevant examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families have a single source of income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any support from the growth, all of these factors encourage them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their career growth.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, in research one
Possible spelling mistake found.
MNC
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
moreover
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
deliver their best performance by paying more wages.
Consequently
, few individuals,
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary.

On the flip side,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
does not bother about the pay, although there are families who do multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Despite these countries has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Nevertheless
, they choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
atmosphere.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are being
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
active and
they would not feel much pressure by working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
surroundings,
thus
, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with healthy atmosphere.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
both the inabilities, from my opinion working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
atmosphere an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
feel relaxed and
also
it is necessary to have reasonable salary to fulfil their needs,
thus
money is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as the quality of the workplace.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people like to work in a company which offers high salary. Some others think that it is good to work in a company which offers a good working atmosphere. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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