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Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to higher positions. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and examples. v.1

Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to higher positions. Give your opinion and examples. v. 1
Promotions help boost the morale of employees. Higher positions earn higher salaries and hence everyone wants to be promoted. Some people feel that only those employees who have worked for an organization for several years should be given promotion. I don’t agree with this view. In my opinion, the time spent in an organization should be just one of the criteria for determining an employee’s eligibility for promotion. Employers often believe that employees who have spent a lot of years in an organization are more likely to be loyal to it. They tend to reward this loyalty with promotions and rises. I am not against promoting senior employees. However, in my opinion, new hires too should be promoted if they have the skills and qualifications. Just because someone has spent ten or twenty years in an organization, it does not mean that they are the most competent. Sometimes new employees deliver better performance than senior employees because they possess more skills and qualifications. What’s more, a ‘new employee’ may have years of experience in another organization. If competent employees are denied promotion because they don’t have years of experience in the organization, it will affect their morale. Worse, it may encourage them to quit and join another company that honours talent. Attrition will only hurt the interests of an organization. To conclude, in my opinion, employers should consider a variety of factors while determining an employee’s eligibility for promotion. This includes their qualifications, special skills and domain expertise. Promotions and rises encourage employees to work harder. If they are denied promotion in spite of their hard work and eligibility, they might just quit.
Promotions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
boost the morale of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. Higher positions earn higher salaries and
hence
everyone wants to
be promoted
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who have worked for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
for several years should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
promotion. I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view. In my opinion, the time spent in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one of the criteria for determining an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee’s
eligibility for promotion.

Employers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who have spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
years in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
are more likely to be loyal to it. They tend to reward this loyalty with promotions and rises. I am not against promoting senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
However
, in my opinion, new hires too should
be promoted
if they have the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and qualifications.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
someone has spent ten or twenty years in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
, it does not mean that they are the most competent.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
deliver better performance than senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they possess more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and qualifications. What’s more, a ‘new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee’
may have years of experience in another organization.

If competent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are denied
promotion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don’t have years of experience in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
, it will affect their morale. Worse, it may encourage them to quit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that
Possible spelling mistake. 'honours' is British English.
honours
talent. Attrition will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hurt the interests of an organization.

To conclude
, in my opinion, employers should consider a variety of factors while determining an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee’s
eligibility for promotion. This includes their qualifications, special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and domain expertise. Promotions and rises encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to work harder. If they
are denied
promotion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and eligibility, they might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
quit.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to higher positions. Give your opinion and examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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