Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Recent research shows that the consumption of junk food is a major factor in poor diet and this is detrimental to health Some people believe that better health education is the answer to this problem but others disagree What is your opinion v.2

Recent research shows that the consumption of junk food is a major factor in poor diet and this is detrimental to health Some people believe that better health education is the answer to this problem but others disagree What is your opinion v. 2
A serious concern nowadays is how our eating habits can affect our health. In particular, it has been demonstrated that eating too much junk food can lead to health issues later in life. One sensible suggestion for dealing with this is to improve the level of health education so that we eat better and live longer. My belief though is that this would not completely solve the problem. One reason why focussing on health education is an appropriate measure is that it addresses one underlying cause of the problem. It is clear that there is a connection between what people know about nutrition and their eating habits. For example, children who have learned in school about the need to have a varied diet with plenty of vitamins tend to eat more healthily. In contrast, people who have not had this education still eat too much junk food and as a result suffer from diabetes and other diseases. Better health education, however, is not a complete answer as it ignores the wider social factors that cause people to eat unhealthily. For instance, many people eat fast food because they have a lifestyle that means they do not have time to sit down to a proper meal. Again, other people might eat burgers and pizzas because they are seen to be cool and they want to impress their peers. There would not appear to be any simple way to deal with these social factors. A difficulty is that it is very hard for governments to make a difference to the individual choices people make. It might help, however, to ban advertisements for unhealthy foods on television and to require companies to provide proper meal facilities for their employees. My conclusion is that the government certainly ought to introduce measures to improve the level of health education. However, this probably would not be a perfect solution as it would also be necessary to deal with the other social factors that cause unhealthy eating.
A serious concern nowadays is how our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits can affect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
In particular
, it has
been demonstrated
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
too much junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues later in life. One sensible suggestion for dealing with this is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
better and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer. My belief though is that this would not completely solve the problem.

One reason why focussing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is an appropriate measure is that it addresses one underlying cause of the problem. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know about nutrition and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits.
For example
, children who have learned in school about the need to have a varied diet with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of vitamins tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
more
healthily
.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have not had this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
too much junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
as a result
suffer from diabetes and other diseases.

Better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
however
, is not a complete answer as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignores
the wider social factors that cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
unhealthily
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a lifestyle that means they do not have time to sit down to a proper meal. Again, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
burgers and pizzas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cool and
they want to impress their peers.

There would not appear to be any simple way to deal with these social factors. A difficulty is that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference to the individual choices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. It might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
,
however
, to ban advertisements for unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
on television and to require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to provide proper meal facilities for their employees.

My conclusion is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
certainly
ought to introduce measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
However
, this
probably
would not be a perfect solution as it would
also
be necessary to deal with the other social factors that cause unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Recent research shows that the consumption of junk food is a major factor in poor diet and this is detrimental to health Some people believe that better health education is the answer to this problem but others disagree What is your opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts