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Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or is it better to save your money for some time in the future? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.2

Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or is it better to save your money for some time in the future? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2
These days, the authorities are keen to waste the government budget in order to celebrate public holidays and festivals. With this reason, modern people are concerned about this issue. However, there are many people, who support the use of state budget for celebrations of holidays. There is no denying that encouraging governmental organizations to use the central budget effectively is essential for the economic progression. In this regard, there is an opinion that not wasting money on public holidays and festivals can be beneficial for citizens. A good illustration of this is education, because the authorities can spend the state account for education. As a result, literacy rate can be improved. Furthermore, such kinds of holidays is not crucial for the progression of the country. It is widely known that national holidays and celebration can lead to the shortage of money in the future. For example, Central Asia’s population is famous for their tradition of celebrating Nauruz, which is financially expensive for the authorities. On the other hand, such kinds of festivals can attract foreign tourists. It is true that due to national holidays and traditions, many travellers are keen to visit the country. To illustrate, the majority of international tourists visit the Brazil in order to take part in local carnivals. Moreover, it can bring people together. Due to such festivals, individuals can communicate with each other, celebrate their achievements and hang out with their friends. For example, many individuals often visit their relatives and friends during the days off. In conclusion, although there is an opinion that national holidays can bring people together and attract tourists, it can lead to the shortage of money and slow down the economic progression.
These days, the authorities are keen to waste the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
budget in order to celebrate public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
. With this reason, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about this issue.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of state budget for celebrations of holidays.

There is no denying that encouraging governmental organizations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the central budget
effectively
is essential for the economic progression. In this regard, there is an opinion that not wasting money on public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
can be beneficial for citizens. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the authorities can spend the state account for education.
As a result
, literacy rate can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
Furthermore
, such kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
is not crucial for the progression of the country. It is
widely
known that national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
and celebration can lead to the shortage of money in the future.
For example
, Central Asia’s population is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for their tradition of celebrating
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nauruz
, which is
financially
expensive for the authorities.

On the other hand
, such kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
can attract foreign tourists. It is true that due to national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
and traditions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
are keen to visit the country. To illustrate, the majority of international tourists visit the Brazil in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in local carnivals.
Moreover
, it can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together. Due to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
, individuals can communicate with each other, celebrate their achievements and hang out with their friends.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
visit their relatives and friends during the days off.

In conclusion
, although there is an opinion that national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together and attract tourists, it can lead to the shortage of money and slow down the economic progression.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or is it better to save your money for some time in the future? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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