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Some people like to shop in large grocery store and department stores. other people prefer to shop in small specialty stores or shops, which do you prefer? explain why. v.1

Some people like to shop in large grocery store and department stores. other people prefer to shop in small specialty stores or shops, which do you prefer? explain why. v. 1
It is often argued that education, across the board, is more theoretical and less practical in nature. I completely agree with this observation and over the course of this essay will provide reasons for this argument. There are various reasons to believe why education is more theoretical in nature. First of all, it is statistically proven that students attend more number of theory classes than workshops and laboratories across all levels of education. Students are overburdened with textbooks and have to mug up facts and definitions. Such style of education impedes imaginative thinking and innovation. For example, in a recent study conducted in top universities it was found that computer science students spend more time in learning theory than writing computer code. Consequently, students develop mediocre coding and problem solving skills; some of the prime skills necessary for a good computer engineer. Another reason is that due to over emphasis on theoretical education, alarming number of university graduates lack employment readiness. Due to less hands-on training and over emphasis on bookish knowledge, freshers are ill equipped in practical skills. This greatly affects their job prospects. For example, in a recent article published in Economic Times it was found that over 90 % of engineering graduates are unemployable. On further inquiry it was found that such graduates lack hand-on training. This speaks volumes and proves beyond a reasonable doubt the lack of practical knowledge in education. Having considered a range of arguments, I have come to the conclusion that, in the current state of affairs, education is more theoretical in nature. From unimaginative thinking to low employment readiness, lack of practical skills is glaringly visible in education system.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, across the board, is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theoretical
and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
in nature. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this observation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the course of this essay will provide reasons for this argument.

There are various reasons to believe why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theoretical
in nature.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
statistically
proven that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
attend more number of theory classes than workshops and laboratories across all levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are overburdened
with textbooks and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
mug up facts and definitions. Such style of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
impedes imaginative thinking and innovation.
For example
, in a recent study conducted in top universities it
was found
that computer science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend more time in learning theory than writing computer code.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
develop mediocre coding and problem solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
;
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
prime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
necessary for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
computer engineer.

Another reason is that due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
emphasis on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, alarming number of university graduates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
employment readiness. Due to less hands-on training and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
emphasis on bookish knowledge, freshers are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ill equipped
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. This
greatly
affects their job prospects.
For example
, in a recent article published in Economic Times it
was found
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
90 % of engineering graduates are unemployable. On
further
inquiry it
was found
that such graduates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
hand-on training. This speaks volumes and proves beyond a reasonable doubt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
knowledge in education.

Having considered a range of arguments, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the conclusion that, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
state of affairs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theoretical
in nature. From unimaginative thinking to low employment readiness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is
glaringly
visible in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some people like to shop in large grocery store and department stores. other people prefer to shop in small specialty stores or shops, which do you prefer? explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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