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Nowadays, children rely too much on the technology, like computers, smartphone, video games for fun and entertainment; playing simpler toys or playing outside with friends would be better for the children's development. v.1

Nowadays, children rely too much on the technology, like computers, smartphone, video games for fun and entertainment; playing simpler toys or playing outside with friends would be better for the children's development. v. 1
In the past, the exterior of buildings and cities depended on social culture, which varied according to society, but now this trend has changed, so cities and buildings have become more similar around the world. Obviously, there are several factors. In my humble opinion, the shortcomings of this trend outweigh its benefits. The main reason for the globalization of our world is started to increase the similarity between buildings. Since the 1990s, the relationship between people and society has increased significantly. As a result, social culture began to spread steadily throughout the world. Society borrows new aspects of culture from other sources. Therefore, people's attitude towards design becomes equal. This is why so very alike are many buildings or cities that look. In addition, if you went to a relatively large international airport in each country, people would find that the design is very similar. This is not just globalization, it plus prevents people from getting lost. Despite being similar, unfortunately, it has a negative impact on culture and the identity of the country. First and foremost, they gradually lost their identity. For instance, people are keen to visit places in the world and sit in one of the places that illustrate the cultural characteristics of Aboriginal people. So if they toured places like their hometown, they would not find a difference. Furthermore, removing old cities, historic buildings, and rebuilding new modern buildings, like other constructions around the world, could lead to the loss of our historical heritage. Overall, the attitude towards designing buildings and cities has changed compared to the past. Therefore, the government should strive to maintain a balance between previous and modern attitudes.
In the past, the exterior of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
depended on social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, which varied according to society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
this trend has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
have become more similar around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Obviously
, there are several factors. In my humble opinion, the shortcomings of this trend outweigh its benefits.

The main reason for the globalization of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to increase the similarity between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
. Since the 1990s, the relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and society has increased
significantly
.
As a result
, social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
began to spread
steadily
throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Society borrows new aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
from other sources.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attitude towards design becomes equal. This is why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
alike are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
that look.
In addition
, if you went to a
relatively
large international airport in each country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would find that the design is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
similar. This is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
globalization,
Possible mistake. Please verify.
it plus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from getting lost.

Despite being similar, unfortunately, it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and the identity of the country.
First
and foremost, they
gradually
lost their identity.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to visit places in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and sit in one of the places that illustrate the cultural characteristics of Aboriginal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if they toured places like their hometown, they would not find a difference.
Furthermore
, removing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
, and rebuilding new modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
, like other constructions around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, could lead to the loss of our historical heritage.

Overall
, the attitude towards designing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
compared to the past.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should strive to maintain a balance between previous and modern attitudes.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Nowadays, children rely too much on the technology, like computers, smartphone, video games for fun and entertainment; playing simpler toys or playing outside with friends would be better for the children's development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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