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Some people like to move about and live in different places. Others like to stay at one place all their lives. Which do you prefer and why? v.1

Some people like to move about and live in different places. Others like to stay at one place all their lives. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1
It is believed that national history is of paramount importance compared to world history in terms of children's education. From my point of view, they both play equally vital roles. Admittedly, I believe that children can reap certain benefits from studying local history. Firstly, history lessons might be an inspiration for children, which encourages and raises the spirit of patriotism. Additionally, it is a great way for every schoolchild to learn their own national traditions originated from the ancestors, resulting in their awareness of the sacrifice of the old soldiers. Hence, the young generation would know about what to do to worth the achievement and victory their forefather brought about. On the other hand, attaining global history also plays significantly important role in the development of children because it is beneficial for them in terms of broadening their horizon about the civilisation and human development. If they had an intention to study abroad, assessing other countries' history would be necessary so that they could know about the culture and even the custom of the countries. Similarly, human is different from any other species, having a gift of language in order to communicate to each other. As the international era, it requires people from all strata to share a common fund of knowledge including culture, vocabulary and even history. Therefore, having a deeper understanding into global-scale past events is incumbent as well. In a nutshell, children at the age of schooling are more likely to be knowledgeable and intelligent if they know as much as possible. Hence, both history content is crucial for them.
It
is believed
that national
history
is of paramount importance compared to world
history
in terms of children's education. From my point of view, they both play
equally
vital roles.

Admittedly
, I believe that
children
can reap certain benefits from studying local
history
.
Firstly
,
history
lessons might be an inspiration for
children
, which encourages and raises the spirit of patriotism.
Additionally
, it is a great way for every schoolchild to learn their
own
national traditions originated from the ancestors, resulting in their awareness of the sacrifice of the
old
soldiers.
Hence
, the young generation would know about what to do to worth the achievement and victory their forefather brought about.

On the
other
hand, attaining global
history
also
plays
significantly
important
role in the development of
children
because
it is beneficial for them in terms of broadening their horizon about the
civilisation
and human development. If they had an intention to study abroad, assessing
other
countries'
history
would be necessary
so
that they could know about the culture and even the custom of the countries.
Similarly
, human is
different
from any
other
species, having a gift of language in order to communicate to each
other
. As the international era, it requires
people
from all strata to share a common fund of knowledge including culture, vocabulary and even
history
.
Therefore
, having a deeper understanding into global-scale past
events
is incumbent
as well
.

In a nutshell,
children
at the age of schooling are more likely to be knowledgeable and intelligent if they know as much as possible.
Hence
, both
history
content is crucial for them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people like to move about and live in different places. Others like to stay at one place all their lives. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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