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The charts show what the history and engineering graduates were doing six months after graduating. v.1

The charts show what the history and engineering graduates were doing six months after graduating. v. 1
Now a day the traffic and environmental problems have dramatically increased. Many people believe that to overcome the increasing traffic and pollution issues, the cost of petrol should be raised. This essay will discuss this in detail also other ways to solve the problem of traffic and pollution. I agree that by increasing the price of petrol is one of the best ways for solving the issues of pollution as the use of petrol for various vehicles produces CO2, which is harmful for the environment. Furthermore, by increasing the price people will also be encouraged to use their bicycles for short distances or even walk. In contrast to that, the traffic problems will also be solved as well as the pollution issues will also overcome. There are many ways to overcome the increasing problem of traffic. Such as, firstly, by constructing wider roads. This will help to reduce the traffic during rush hours. Secondly, the government should develop proper traffic systems. For example In India due to poor traffic system many ppl die as people come from any directions. Therefore, to improve the a proper traffic system is to be developed. Similarly the government should impose heavy fine on the car owners whose car produces black smoke which causes air pollution. In conclusion, increasing the price of petrol helps to overcome the problem of traffic and environmental issues. But they there are other ways to do that. such as, build wider roads, imposing fine on cars that produces black smoke etc.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
have
dramatically
increased.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that to overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and pollution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
, the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
should
be raised
. This essay will discuss this in detail
also
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and pollution.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
is one of the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
for solving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
of pollution as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
for various vehicles produces CO2, which is harmful for the environment.
Furthermore
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the price
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
also
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their bicycles for short distances or even walk.
In contrast
to that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
will
also
be solved
as well
as the pollution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
will
also
overcome.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
. Such as,
firstly
, by constructing wider roads. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
during rush hours.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should develop proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
systems.
For example
In India due to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
ppl
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from any directions.
Therefore
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
system is to
be developed
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose heavy fine on the car owners whose car produces black smoke which causes air pollution.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to do that.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
such
as, build wider roads, imposing fine on cars that produces black smoke etc.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The charts show what the history and engineering graduates were doing six months after graduating. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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