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Some people like to keep a private diary which they don't show to other people. Other people like to start things like online blogs, where other people can read the posts and make comments about them. Which would you prefer to start - a private d v.1

Some people like to keep a private diary which they don't show to other people. Other people like to start things like online blogs, where other people can read the posts and make comments about them. Which would you prefer to start - a private d v. 1
It is true that the automobile ownership went up dramatically over the last three decades. It automatically leads to the traffic congestion in cities in many countries of the world. We cannot limit the number of car possessions to deal with this issue. Therefore, the government should think about some solutions to persuade people to refrain from using their own transport in order to reduce the traffic jam. The demand for car purchase has increased remarkably and it makes car companies produce and release a high number of cars production as well. Simultaneously, the government does not provide the equitable infrastructure, such as the street space and alternative motorways. Consequently, it is normal that traffic congestion happens because the number of cars is not proportional to the facility provided. Another reason is that the price of cars is affordable and people can get a car easily. In my opinion, there are several actions that government can take to settle from this complicated problem. Firstly, whilst the vehicle companies produce their cars, the government should build and develop the road infrastructure in order to give enough space for many vehicles to minimise the congestion of traffic. Secondly, the government can collaborate with the car companies in producing small smart cars. The advancement of technology today is sufficient to create an innovation in car production. The last but not least is that government should provide many alternative transportations for the public such as trans-city buses, sky trains, and underground trains which offer better, safer, faster and more affordable transportation facilities. As a result, people will tend to choose public transportations than using their own cars. Therefore, the traffic jam will substantially reduce. To conclude, car possession could not be circumscribed by restricting people from buying it, as evident in the last three decades. Rather more effective ways to tackle the heinous traffic congestion are there that government might select to tackle that issue.
It is true that the automobile ownership went up
dramatically
over the last three decades. It
automatically
leads to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
congestion
in cities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries of the world. We cannot limit the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
possessions to deal with this issue.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to refrain from using their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
transport in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam.

The demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
has increased
remarkably
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
produce and release a high number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
production
as well
.
Simultaneously
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
does not provide the equitable infrastructure, such as the street space and alternative motorways.
Consequently
, it is normal that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
congestion
happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is not proportional to the facility provided. Another reason is that the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is affordable and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
easily
.

In my opinion, there are several actions that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can take to settle from this complicated problem.
Firstly
, whilst the vehicle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
produce their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should build and develop the road infrastructure in order to give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vehicles to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
congestion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can collaborate with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in producing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. The advancement of technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is sufficient to create an innovation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
production. The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
alternative transportations for the public such as trans-city buses, sky trains, and underground trains which offer better, safer, faster and more affordable transportation facilities.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will tend to choose public transportations than using their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam will
substantially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
possession could not
be circumscribed
by restricting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from buying it, as evident in the last three decades.
Rather
more effective ways to tackle the heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
congestion
are there that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
might select to tackle that issue.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people like to keep a private diary which they don't show to other people. Other people like to start things like online blogs, where other people can read the posts and make comments about them. Which would you prefer to start - a private d v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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