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some people like to buy a piece of technology as soon as it is available in the markets. do you agree or disagree? v.1

some people like to buy a piece of technology as soon as it is available in the markets. v. 1
Punishment is important to help children to learn the difference between right and wrong. In my opinion, punishment is not necessary. Punishment should not use to teach children because this method has negative effects with children. Parents and teachers should teach a lesson to children for improving their good behaviour. Punishment hurts children, whether their body or mind. It is also not effective to teach children about good behaviour. When children hurt or sad, they cannot learn anything. If the aim is teaching between right and wrong, people should stop punishing their children and they should teach a lesson to their children with reasons and love. Children behaviour research, for instance, the research illustrates have many negative effects on children psychological when they were punished. Punishment gives bad effects to children more than the benefit. People can learn many things without punishment. They should teach a good lesson to children to improve good behaviour, this lesson should include reasons and love. Children always have a reason to do something and adult should understand them. Parents and teachers should change the wrong habits and wrong reasons of children by telling them about what thing they should do and be a good role model to children. I opine the wrong things are something that should not do because it will make other people or animals feel sad and hurt, my parents teach me like this when I am a child, for example. In conclusion, punishment is not important to make children learn to be a good person, whereas teaching a lesson to children is necessary. Teach a lesson, which a way to make children know the effects of their behaviour and what things they should do, can build them to be a good person. Therefore, I am convinced parents and teachers should teach a lesson to children and do not punish them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Punishment
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the difference between right and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is not necessary.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Punishment
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this method has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
and teachers should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Punishment hurts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, whether their body or mind. It is
also
not effective to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
hurt or sad, they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
anything. If the aim is teaching between right and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
punishing their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
research,
for instance
, the research illustrates have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
psychological when they
were punished
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Punishment
gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more than the benefit.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
. They should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
should include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
always have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to do something and adult should understand them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
and teachers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
habits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by telling them about what thing they should do and be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
role model to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I opine the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
things are something that should not do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or animals feel sad and hurt, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
me like this when I am a child,
for example
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
person, whereas teaching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is necessary.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teach
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
, which a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know the effects of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and what things they should do, can build them to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
person.
Therefore
, I
am convinced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and do not punish them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay some people like to buy a piece of technology as soon as it is available in the markets. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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