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What is your favorite style of dress? Describe the clothing style and explain why it appeals to you. Include details and examples in your explanation. v.1

What is your favorite style of dress? Describe the clothing style and explain why it appeals to you. Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1
Prominent people are always being followed by the paparazzi anywhere they go. Some people think that the press should not interfere with the private life of celebrities while others believe that it is normal for the profession they have chosen. However, I argue that photographers should acknowledge the personal life of famous people as they are normal persons as well. Private lives of public figures become unprotected because of delusional fans and paparazzi. Because of their eagerness to know everything that is happening to their idols they tend to stalk them whenever they go. These dangerous obsessions can pose a threat and can turn deadly. Take, for example, the case of Princess Diana tragedy, she was being followed by speeding car with the paparazzi, her car crashed and died instantly. Thereby, the paparazzi puts the lives of celebrities in danger. Celebrities are always under public attention. Photographers invade their privacy ludicrously and consider this to be a norm. Even the smallest thing they do will be recorded. For instance, when a particular celebrity was seen in a cafeteria with someone, a photograph and an article will immediately spread over internet pages. Thus, being famous in showbiz industry has consequences to face like intrusion of privacy. In conclusion, some people believe that the paparazzi should respect the private life of celebrities while others argue that it is just a small price of their fame. In my opinion, they should be granted privacy because at the end of the day they are still humans like everyone else.
Prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always
being followed
by the paparazzi anywhere they go.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the press should not interfere with the private life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
while others believe that it is normal for the profession they have chosen.
However
, I argue that photographers should acknowledge the personal life of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they are normal persons
as well
.

Private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of public figures become unprotected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of delusional fans and paparazzi.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of their eagerness to know everything
that is
happening to their idols they tend to stalk them whenever they go. These
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
obsessions can pose a threat and can turn deadly. Take,
for example
, the case of Princess Diana tragedy, she was
being followed
by speeding car with the paparazzi, her car crashed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
instantly
. Thereby, the paparazzi puts the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.

Celebrities are always under public attention. Photographers invade their privacy
ludicrously
and consider this to be a norm. Even the smallest thing they do will
be recorded
.
For instance
, when a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in a cafeteria with someone, a photograph and an article will immediately spread over internet pages.
Thus
, being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in showbiz industry has
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
face like intrusion of privacy.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the paparazzi should respect the private life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
while others argue that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
price of their fame. In my opinion, they should
be granted
privacy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day they are
still
humans like everyone else.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay What is your favorite style of dress? Describe the clothing style and explain why it appeals to you. Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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