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Some people learn by reading about things. Others learn by doing things. Which of these methods of learning is better for you? v.1

Some people learn by reading about things. Others learn by doing things. Which of these methods of learning is better for you? v. 1
In today's world, we see diversity everywhere. The world is divided into two parts according to the code of conduct, culture, and behaviour. In some nations such as the United States of America and Canada, rules are flexible and allow children to do whatever they want while in others, such as Pakistan and Afghanistan, they have hard and fast rules. Children are malleable like clay. What they become when they grow up is dependent on how we raise them and what values we teach them. First of all, in my opinion, having the rules is good. Children cannot decide what is good and what is wrong for themselves. As adults and parents, it is our responsibility to help our minors to be hardworking and competent in life. Kids who follow disciplines during childhood, achieve more in life. For example, when children are given an hour daily to play games on the computer or gaming devices, they also tend to finish their homework and do well in studies. It could also be experienced in sports, kids who abide by the rules and regulations, ultimately perform better in life. Nevertheless, on the contrary, to my previous point, I should also mention that the children should be given some space for entertainment and originality. While rules are good in general, being strict and pushing them to follow can have adverse effects. They should understand the importance of following rules and as they realize, they tend to adhere to them. Let's take American schools as an example, students are given options of music, sports, and recreational activities during their free period, while in Pakistan, they are only allowed to stick to the academic syllabus. American students are always ahead of Pakistani students in international school competitions. Studies found that children learn to perform better when they are given some leeway space. To conclude, I would like to say that the rules are good and must be followed by every kid, however, we should not suffocate them. Balance is the key and we must maintain it during the upbringing of the child.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
diversity everywhere. The world
is divided
into two parts according to the code of conduct, culture, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations such as the United States of America and Canada,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are flexible and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do whatever they want while in others, such as Pakistan and Afghanistan, they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are malleable like clay. What they become when they grow up is dependent on how we raise them and what values we teach them.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in my opinion, having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
cannot decide what is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
for themselves. As adults and parents, it is our responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
our minors to be hardworking and competent in life. Kids who follow disciplines during childhood, achieve more in life.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an hour daily to play games on the computer or gaming devices, they
also
tend to finish their homework and do well in studies. It could
also
be experienced
in sports, kids who abide by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and regulations,
ultimately
perform better in life.

Nevertheless
,
on the contrary
, to my previous point, I should
also
mention that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
space for entertainment and originality. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
in general
, being strict and pushing them to follow can have adverse effects. They should understand the importance of following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and as they realize, they tend to adhere to them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's take American schools as an example, students are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
options of music, sports, and recreational activities during their free period, while in Pakistan, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to stick to the academic syllabus. American students are always ahead of Pakistani students in international school competitions. Studies found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn to perform better when they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
leeway space.

To conclude
, I would like to say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be followed
by every kid,
however
, we should not suffocate them. Balance is the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
key and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
maintain it during the upbringing of the child.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people learn by reading about things. Others learn by doing things. Which of these methods of learning is better for you? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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