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Nowadays it is more difficult for children to concentrate to pay attention in school. Discuss the causes and propose some solutions. v.1

Nowadays it is more difficult for children to concentrate to pay attention in school. Discuss the causes and propose some solutions. v. 1
In this generation, children are becoming less attentive in school. This essay will discuss two reasons why they are facing difficulties paying attention during classes. This essay will also tackle solutions to each cause. The decrease of the ability of a child to concentrate in class can be accounted for two primary reasons. Firstly, the use of gadgets during classes such as smartphones and video games. Children are being engrossed in playing these devices and as a result, they are not able to focus on the lesson that the teacher discusses. Secondly, they are not getting proper sleep. If a child is not getting the recommended 8 to 9 hours of sleep each night, they won’t have enough energy to focus as they will be feeling more sleepy rather than being active. The aforementioned problems can be properly handled by several solutions. First and foremost, would be imposing a ban on the use of gadgets during class hours. Teachers should educate their students on the responsible use of these gadgets that would benefit their studies. Parents, on the other hand should also guide their children at home so that they can prevent them using those devices in improper activities. Another possible solution is that, parents should establish a regular time for bedtime every night. There should be no TV, computer, smartphones and video games an hour prior to sleeping. In conclusion, this essay discussed two primary reasons that explained why children find it hard to concentrate at school. This essay also tackled that the immediate action taken by both teachers and parents, the issue would be resolved properly.
In this generation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are becoming less attentive in school. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will discuss two reasons why they are facing difficulties paying attention during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will
also
tackle solutions to each cause.

The decrease of the ability of a child to concentrate in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can
be accounted
for two primary reasons.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of gadgets during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
such as smartphones and video games.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are
being engrossed
in playing these devices and
as a result
, they are not able to focus on the lesson that the teacher discusses.
Secondly
, they are not getting proper sleep. If a child is not getting the recommended 8 to 9 hours of sleep each night, they won’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
energy to focus as they will be feeling more sleepy
rather
than being active.

The aforementioned problems can be
properly
handled by several solutions.
First
and foremost, would be imposing a ban on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of gadgets during
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
hours. Teachers should educate their students on the responsible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these gadgets that would benefit their studies. Parents,
on the other hand
should
also
guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them using those devices in improper activities. Another possible solution is that, parents should establish a regular time for bedtime every night. There should be no TV, computer, smartphones and video games an hour prior to sleeping.

In conclusion
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
discussed two primary reasons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to concentrate at school. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
also
tackled that the immediate action taken by both teachers and parents, the issue would
be resolved
properly
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays it is more difficult for children to concentrate to pay attention in school. Discuss the causes and propose some solutions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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