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Some people help their community as an individually while others help through organisation. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people help their community as an individually while others help through organisation. v. 1
The community is an incredible way to give aid to poor, unhealthy or many other who face many fundamental problems on earth. There are two modes to give aid to the community like some people donate money, food or many more individually while others as an organisation through. We will look at both sides before drawing a logical corollary. Some people believe that if they aid to a community by as an organisation then it is very beneficial for community donation because in organisation’s people do work or collect money as a unity so it is obvious that if they collect as a group from door to door then they collect positively correlated with individually. For instance, In India, the most famous organisation as in worldwide is 'Athithi Dev Bavo', which helps to many persons or communities. They provide foods, shelter or good education, as well as they, provide a job opportunity to a poor person who is not able to get this thing in their lives. Thus they believe that helping the community as an organisation is better. On the contrary side, some other people think that if they donate something to the community as an individually then it is beneficial for community and donor. They think if they donate money in the organisation then sometimes they do not utilise the money as an incredible way and sometimes some group of people use the donation for other purposes. Moreover, it is also beneficial to earn a more popularity. For instance, the actors of any industry give huge money to the community to earn a more popularity even some rich person also do this thing. However, some rich people make hospital or school for the community where people can get many free facilities such as free treatment, free medicine as well as free operation facility. As an evidence, in Japan, there several individual people who made a contribution to building up numerous hospitals and schools for giving a higher education or cure to the community and thus, they believe the giving a help by direct is creditable. To sum up, although above look reveals solid evidence for both sides argument, I strongly believe that if we pay as an independent then its positive correlated with the organisation and the money utilities as in incredible mode, unlike organisation.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
is an incredible way to give aid to poor, unhealthy or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
who face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fundamental problems on earth. There are two modes to give aid to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
donate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, food or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more
individually
while others as an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
through. We will look at both sides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a logical corollary.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that if they aid to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
by as an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
then it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
donation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do work or collect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a unity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is obvious that if they collect as a group from door to door then they collect
positively
correlated with
individually
.
For instance
, In India, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
as in worldwide is '
Possible spelling mistake found.
Athithi
Dev
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bavo
', which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
persons or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. They provide foods, shelter or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education,
as well
as they, provide a job opportunity to a poor person who is not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this thing in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
as an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
is better.

On the contrary
side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if they donate something to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
as an
individually
then it is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and donor. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if they donate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as an incredible way and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the donation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
purposes.
Moreover
, it is
also
beneficial to earn a more popularity.
For instance
, the actors of any industry give huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
to earn a more popularity even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rich person
also
do this thing.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
hospital or school for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
facilities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
treatment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
medicine
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
operation facility. As an evidence, in Japan, there several individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who made a contribution to building up numerous hospitals and schools for giving a higher education or cure to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and
thus
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
the giving a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
by direct is creditable.

To sum up, although above look reveals solid evidence for both sides argument, I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that if we pay as an independent then its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
correlated with the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
utilities as in incredible mode, unlike
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people help their community as an individually while others help through organisation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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