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some people work for the same organisation all their woring life. other thing that it is better to work for different organisation. discuss both this views and give your own opinion. v.1

some people work for the same organisation all their woring life. other thing that it is better to work for different organisation. v. 1
For several years the issue of eating meat or not has been a great concern to all types of people over the world. The trend of being a vegetarian is becoming increasingly popular nowadays. The reasons for this phenomenon deeply connect with personal health, religious affiliation, and concern about the environment. First of all, awareness of health consciousness is the consideration why people choose to be vegetarian. People convinced that this type of dietary will definitely provide sums of health benefits including reducing the risk of cardiovascular disease and further increasing their lifespan. In addition, religious convictions play an indispensable role in it. Vegetarianism, in other words, is strongly connected with the spiritual reasons. Taking Buddhism for example, a Vegetarian diet is not only thought of as a part of discipline, but also represent the compassion and reputation to other organisms. It preserves the spirit of equality with regard to all creatures. As a result, Individuals should not sacrifice any living creatures just in order to satisfy our desires or appetites. Lastly, the factor to consider this dietary structure is because of the environmental effects that the meat industry has on the earth. Livestock agriculture and eating meat are one of the biggest contributors to global warming. For instance, ruminant animals such as cattle produce methane and nitrous oxide, which have much more warming potential than carbon dioxide. On account of this reason, it is an essential measure to alleviate climate change by the meat-eating reductions. In conclusion, people choose to be vegetarianism in the consideration of statements mentioned above. In my view, . people should move towards a vegetarian diet, though it would be unrealistic to expect everyone to become full vegetarians.
For several years the issue of eating meat or not has been a great concern to all types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over the world. The trend of being a vegetarian is becoming
increasingly
popular nowadays. The reasons for this phenomenon
deeply
connect with personal health, religious affiliation, and concern about the environment.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, awareness of health consciousness is the consideration why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to be vegetarian.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
convinced that this type of dietary will definitely provide sums of health benefits including reducing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of cardiovascular disease and
further
increasing their lifespan.

In addition
, religious convictions play an indispensable role in it. Vegetarianism,
in other words
, is
strongly
connected with the spiritual reasons. Taking Buddhism
for example
, a Vegetarian diet is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of as a part of discipline,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
represent the compassion and reputation to other organisms. It preserves the spirit of equality with regard to all creatures.
As a result
, Individuals should not sacrifice any living creatures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in order to satisfy our desires or appetites.

Lastly
, the factor to consider this dietary structure is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the environmental effects that the meat industry has on the earth. Livestock agriculture and eating meat are one of the biggest contributors to global warming.
For instance
, ruminant animals such as cattle produce methane and nitrous oxide, which have much more warming potential than carbon dioxide. On account of this reason, it is an essential measure to alleviate climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
by the meat-eating reductions.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to be vegetarianism in the consideration of statements mentioned above. In my view
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards a vegetarian diet, though it would be unrealistic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
everyone to become full vegetarians.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay some people work for the same organisation all their woring life. other thing that it is better to work for different organisation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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