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some people work for the same organisation all their woring life. other thing that it is better to work for different organisation. discuss both this views and give your own opinion. v.2

some people work for the same organisation all their woring life. other thing that it is better to work for different organisation. v. 2
Nowadays, many people says that working in single company for long time period provide best job security in contrast others says that change the job in different companies are more better than the work for one industries lifetime. First, i examine both of views than reach on the conclusion. On the one hand, people argue that working in same industry for a longtime period is provide more better security however, change the company in a short time period ineffective to employee in some cases in future. It cause bed effect on their job carrier. Adding that if any employee work for same company, it is easy to understand work cycle, nature of company and rules. The major benefit is employee can get higher designation with the increment of salary. In time of celebration year in company old employee should be rewarded by award and prices. On the other hand, the employ work in different companies should be more familiar with many people. Same type of work repeatation in single company employee feel like burden. However if work in different organisations made the man perfect. they can get vast amount of knowledge of particular work. Salary is much more important for the employee who work in different organisation so if they can work more better on the project they can also get high package. If any employee change the company time to time they enhance their life style and satisfaction of their family requirement in future. To sum up, I agree with the employee working in same organisation for life-time, However they get job security adding to more salary rather than work for different organisation with new project and unfamiliar people.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
says
that working in single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
period provide best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security
in contrast
others says that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for one industries lifetime.
First
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
examine both of views than reach on the conclusion.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that working in same industry for a longtime period is
Consider using a past participle here: "provided".
provide
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
security
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
period ineffective to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. It
Did you mean "causes"?
cause
bed effect on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
carrier. Adding that if any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, it is easy to understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
cycle, nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. The major benefit is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher designation with the increment of salary. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of celebration year in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
should
be rewarded
by award and prices.

On the other hand
, the employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should be more familiar with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Same type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Possible spelling mistake found.
repeatation
in single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
feel like burden.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
made the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
perfect.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
vast amount of knowledge of particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Salary is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
on the project they can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high package. If any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they enhance their life style and satisfaction of their family requirement
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
working in same
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
for life-time,
However
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security adding to more salary
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
with new project and unfamiliar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes

IELTS essay some people work for the same organisation all their woring life. other thing that it is better to work for different organisation. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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