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Neighbors are the people who live near us. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbor? Use specific details and examples in your answer. v.1

Neighbors are the people who live near us. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbor? Use specific details and examples in your answer. v. 1
In the last years, there has been an increase in the number of fresh graduated students facing unemployment, due to several reasons, such as courses popularity, university failure in adapting the courses in the existing world and others. Considering the many reasons that will be presented, would it be possible to overcome what is happening? The main reason is that there has been a growth in the quantity of students applying to university. As the schools have more income if they have more students, they just open more positions in the several courses. Thus, in the subjects that are facing popularity because of the ratio of employment, they even open more places. This results in having more graduating students finishing the courses, which leads to less jobs in the end. Another reason is that courses aren’t updated. As the world evolves, universities should be able to do so, instead they continue giving the subjects as they gave 20 years ago. Likewise, this creates the need for people get extra degrees or extra courses outside the chosen area. Besides this, there are many areas that don’t have any prospects of having a job and they are still being offered by schools. However, there may be a way to solve the problems presented. Firstly, universities should update what they offer, while having in consideration where the world stands right now. Additionally, they shouldn’t open places for more students that there is a need to, so they should restrict this at the same time that they take into account what the market is looking for. In conclusion, there are many ways to overcome what is happening now, but to do so, there should be an effort from everyone, especially schools, to solve this.
In the last years, there has been an increase in the number of fresh graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
facing unemployment, due to several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
popularity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
failure in adapting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
in the existing world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. Considering the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that will
be presented
, would it be possible to overcome what is happening?

The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that there has been a growth in the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
applying to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. As the schools have more income if they have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
open more positions in the several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
Thus
, in the subjects that are facing popularity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the ratio of employment, they even open more places. This results in having more graduating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
finishing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, which leads to
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun jobs is countable.
less
jobs in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
aren’t updated. As the world evolves,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should be able to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
instead
they continue giving the subjects as they gave 20 years ago.
Likewise
, this creates the need for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
extra degrees or extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
outside the chosen area.
Besides
this, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas that don’t have any prospects of having a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
they are
still
being offered
by schools.

However
, there may be a way to solve the problems presented.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should update what they offer, while having in consideration where the world stands right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Additionally
, they shouldn’t open places for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that there is a need to,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should restrict this at the same time that they take into account what the market is looking for.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to overcome what is happening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, there should be an effort from everyone,
especially
schools, to solve this.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Neighbors are the people who live near us. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbor? Use specific details and examples in your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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