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People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption? v.2

People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption? v. 2
It is true that the consumption of sugar-based drinks has increased rapidly in recent years. There are a number of reasons behind this tendency and several solutions should be adopted by governments and individuals to improve the situation. There are two primary reasons why people are consuming more and more sugary drinks. One reason is that the beverage companies advertise attractively their products to many target audiences and this method encourages many people to buy and consume their product. Furthermore, sugar-based beverages had some advantages over other kinds of drink, such as distinct flavor, high energy and convenience, people find it easy to buy soft drinks anywhere, easy to concentrate on their work after using sugar-based beverages. These benefits fit the habits of modern humans who have a busy life. Fortunately, several measures could be taken to prevent the rise in the popularity of sugary drinks. Firstly, The authorities should raise tax on the sale of sugary drinks. This solution has been applied in some European countries such as England, France, Hungary, and others could implement too. A second measure would be broadening of health awareness on TV channels, the internet or social networks. In addition, the government would require beverage manufacturers to add health warnings on the label of their product like what tobacco companies have done. Finally, introducing restrictions on the consumption of sugary drinks in schools, bus stations, cinemas and hospitals by removing vending machines from public places. In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for the increase in sugary drinks and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem.
It is true that the consumption of sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
has increased
rapidly
in recent years. There are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this tendency and several solutions should
be adopted
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation.

There are two primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are consuming more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beverage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
advertise
attractively
their products to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
target audiences and this method encourages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and consume their product.
Furthermore
, sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beverages
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages over other kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
, such as distinct flavor, high energy and convenience,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find it easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
anywhere, easy to concentrate on their work after using sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beverages
. These benefits fit the habits of modern humans who have a busy life.

Fortunately
, several measures could
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the rise in the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
.
Firstly
, The authorities should raise tax on the sale of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
. This solution has
been applied
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
European countries such as England, France, Hungary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
could implement too. A second measure would be broadening of health awareness on TV channels, the internet or social networks.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beverage
manufacturers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
health warnings on the label of their product like what tobacco
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have done.
Finally
, introducing restrictions on the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
in schools, bus stations, cinemas and hospitals by removing vending machines from public places.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
and steps need to
be taken
to tackle this problem.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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Persian Proverb

IELTS essay People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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