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Describe the structure of an insect and explain why a spider is not strictly considered an insect. v.1

Describe the structure of an insect and explain why a spider is not strictly considered an insect. v. 1
In this modern age, in one way or another, people can be perceived chasing success, by using a variety of routes. A major crowd of human beings considers chance as a big factor to succeed whereas a small minority utilise hard work as a catalyst to be successful. In this essay, I will elaborate on why I firmly agree with the latter statement. On one hand, people have no grasp on them being lucky contributing to the achievement of success. No individual can provide a timeline about when he is going to make it big due to him being fortunate or just by reading his horoscope. For instance, a lottery player who won the jackpot as a result of being lucky, would never have predicted that his life would have metamorphosed into a flourishing one. That person would not even know if his success is going to sustain for a long time because he cannot in any way proclaim when his luck would make him win a lottery jackpot again. On the other hand, people who believe that hard work is the input to obtain success as an output, have a better control about making it happen and can in fact can set a target for it to occur. Unlike the devotees of luck, the hard workers do not have to focus on getting successful. On the contrary, they only have to concentrate on getting better and putting their utmost efforts in everything they do and they shall be amazed by the aftermath. By using this method to make success their destination, the thrivers can easily replicate their achievements and make them sustainable. To conclude, people have different ways in wanting to become successful but not all of them are able to bring their desires into existence and convert their dreams into realities. I am a faithful advocate of hard work to reach success and will always believe that luck is for losers.
In this modern age, in one way or another,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be perceived
chasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, by using a variety of routes. A major crowd of human beings considers chance as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
factor to succeed whereas a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
minority
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work as a catalyst to be successful. In this essay, I will elaborate on why I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter statement.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no grasp on them being lucky contributing to the achievement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. No individual can provide a timeline about when he is going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
due to him being fortunate or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by reading his horoscope.
For instance
, a lottery player who won the jackpot
as a result
of being lucky, would never have predicted that his life would have metamorphosed into a flourishing one. That person would not even know if his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is going to sustain for a long time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he cannot in any way proclaim when his luck would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
him win a lottery jackpot again.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work is the input to obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
as an output, have a better control about making it happen and can in fact can set a target for it to occur. Unlike the devotees of luck, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
workers do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on getting successful.
On the contrary
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
concentrate on getting better and putting their utmost efforts in everything they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
do and
they shall
be amazed
by the aftermath. By using this method to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
their destination, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
thrivers
can
easily
replicate their achievements and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them sustainable.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways in wanting to become successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not all of them are able to bring their desires into existence and convert their dreams into realities. I am a faithful advocate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work to reach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and will always believe that luck is for losers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Describe the structure of an insect and explain why a spider is not strictly considered an insect. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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