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TPO20-Q2Some people prefer to learn about current events from watching television news programs. Others prefer to read about current events in newspapers or on the Internet. Which do you think is better: watching the news or reading the news? Explain why. v.1

TPO20-Q2Some people prefer to learn about current events from watching television news programs. Others prefer to read about current events in newspapers or on the Internet. Which do you think is better: watching the news or reading the news? Explain why. v. 1
It is argued by many people that an employee should choose a job that provides higher remuneration, as it would provide security for his family. In my opinion, although I think remuneration plays a critical role while deciding a job there are other factors like job satisfaction which is equally important. To begin with, money is important for any individual for a good well being of him and his family. This means people always want to be employed, where they are able to get a good amount of compensation, that could help fulfilling all the needs of their family. To illustrate, my friend has been working for a company, where she has been working for a long number of hours, but she never complains, as the remuneration is exorbitant. Apart from money, job satisfaction plays an equal important role for an employee to sustain in the workplace for long. This is because when a person is only working towards the aim of earning more salary, he would most of the times not even be satisfied with his work life. As a result, he would struggle on a day to day basis trying to cope with his job, and building a level of frustration, which would not only affect his work productivity, but also have negative effects of this on his personal life. Hence, an individual should always be happy and content with his work life. To conclude, although money plays an important role for any individual while opting for a job, but for a longer time work sustainability it is important for an employee to have job satisfaction as well.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that an employee should choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that provides higher remuneration, as it would provide security for his family. In my opinion, although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
remuneration plays a critical role while deciding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
there are other factors like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction which is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, money is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for any individual for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of him and his family. This means
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always want to
be employed
, where they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of compensation, that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to fulfil", "to fulfill" or "fulfil", "fulfill".
fulfilling
all the needs of their family. To illustrate, my friend has been working for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, where she has been working for a long number of hours,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she never complains, as the remuneration is exorbitant.

Apart from money,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction plays an equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role for an employee to sustain in the workplace for long. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when a person is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
working towards the aim of earning more salary, he would
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
most of the times
not even
be satisfied
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
life.
As a result
, he would struggle on a
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
basis trying to cope with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and building a level of frustration, which would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
productivity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of this on his personal life.
Hence
, an individual should always be happy and content with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
life.

To conclude
, although money plays an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role for any individual while opting for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for a longer time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
sustainability it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for an employee to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO20-Q2Some people prefer to learn about current events from watching television news programs. Others prefer to read about current events in newspapers or on the Internet. Which do you think is better: watching the news or reading the news? Explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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