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Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need or can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v.1

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need or can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 1
Nowadays, society is more consumerism-orientated than in the past. Strong advertising strategies and lack of education, especially financial education, are two of the main reasons why people buy more than they can afford. One step in avoiding the trap of consumerism could be introducing financial education in schools from an early age, beside a more restrictive loan policy. Consumerism is a wide-spread practice all over the world. People are more focused on buying things than on creating or preserving them in a long term. Individuals are, usually, attracted to buying things they do not need through advertising campaigns on TV or on the streets. Strong vivid colours, beautiful models and shining products create the desire for perfection and success in viewer’s mind. For example, if advertising describes an expensive car as an object that ensures a man’s success in attracting women, he will put himself in any debt needed to obtain that car. In fact, he does not need such an expensive car for being a Casanova. Moreover, the lack of financial training will determine him to act impulsively, because he does not know how to organize his finances. In order to prevent people from finding themselves in desperate situations, some educational measures would be helpful. If a person is able to value the things in an appropriate manner and he/she is aware of his/her financial possibilities, then he/she will be safe from a financial point of view. For instance, if a child is taught the value of money and how to spend it efficiently, then he/she will not be tempted to buy things he cannot afford. In addition, some more restrictive loan policies could, also, prevent people from buying things they cannot pay later. In conclusion, “easy and fast” buying things behaviour is an important issue of modern society. The aim to success and the tendency to be on trend with the latest lifestyle features put people in the situation of not being able to pay what they have bought by loan. Therefore, financial education and a more responsible attitude of the banks could be some of the solutions to this problem.
Nowadays, society is more consumerism-orientated than in the past. Strong advertising strategies and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, are two of the main reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more than they can afford. One step in avoiding the trap of consumerism could be introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in schools from an early age, beside a more restrictive loan policy.

Consumerism is a wide-spread practice all over the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are more focused on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
things than on creating or preserving them in a long term. Individuals are,
usually
, attracted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
things they do not need through advertising campaigns on TV or on the streets. Strong vivid
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
models and shining products create the desire for perfection and success in viewer’s mind.
For example
, if advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
an expensive car as an object that ensures a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
’s success in attracting women, he will put himself in any debt needed to obtain that car. In fact, he does not need such an expensive car for being a Casanova.
Moreover
, the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
training will determine him to act
impulsively
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he does not know how to organize his finances.

In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from finding themselves in desperate situations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educational measures would be helpful. If a person is able to value the things
Consider replacing "in an appropriate manner" with the adverb for "appropriate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an appropriate manner
and he/she is aware of his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
possibilities, then he/she will be safe from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
point of view.
For instance
, if a child
is taught
the value of money and how to spend it
efficiently
, then he/she will not
be tempted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things he cannot afford.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more restrictive loan policies could,
also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
things they cannot pay later.

In conclusion
, “easy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
”
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
things
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue of modern society. The aim to success and the tendency to be on trend with the latest lifestyle features put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the situation of not being able to pay what they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by loan.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and a more responsible attitude of the banks could be
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
solutions to this problem.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need or can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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