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Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v.7

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 7
Nowadays, demand of people is increasing significantly, which can be the essential goods or unnecessary for them. Thus, some people spend their money too much than they should be for consuming things which they favour. This essay discusses the causes and the possible solution to solve it. First of all, most people get into debt for buying the necessary things starting with the high based cost such as cars, houses, and condominiums. For example, some people get into a liability for buying land to do their business which can afford later with the benefit that they gain from the job. On the other hand, luxury goods, which are not imperative for most people, are bought by expensive tasted population with a high rate of cost, hence someone can have an indebtedness by spending cash with these kind of things such as decoration and jewels. On the contrary, some people can prevent this behaviour by fund management, which is the table presenting about their income which they spend. For example, my parents use this table to calculate amount of capital that they can use monthly. Moreover, thinking about the necessity before buying is very good idea to stop this behaviour. From my experience, I always think about the benefits that I can get from the goods before I buy it. In summary, people who spend too much to gain something that they cannot get at that time and get into debt.
Nowadays, demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is increasing
significantly
, which can be the essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
or unnecessary for them.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their money too
Use "more" to make a comparison with this adjective.
much
than they should be for consuming things which they
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
. This essay discusses the causes and the possible solution to solve it.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into debt for buying the necessary things starting with the high based cost such as cars,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, and condominiums.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into a liability for buying land to do their business which can afford later with the benefit that they gain from the job.
On the other hand
, luxury
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, which are not imperative for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by expensive tasted population with a high rate of cost,
hence
someone can have an indebtedness by spending cash with
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of things such as decoration and jewels.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
by fund management, which is the table presenting about their income which they spend.
For example
, my parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this table to calculate amount of capital that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
monthly.
Moreover
, thinking about the necessity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. From my experience, I always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the benefits that I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who spend too much to gain something that they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
at that time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into debt.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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