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Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? ” v.1

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? ” v. 1
It is true that some individuals are in debt because they buy unneedful things that they can not afford. The main cause of this problem is that banks encourage people to take loans over their spending limit and the most viable solution is that governments should implement laws to restrict people from taking loans. The principle reason why few individuals are in debt is that banks entice people into taking credit cards and loans by offering them attractive interest rates. Major banks and lending corporations constantly make cold calls to prospective clients and offer them loans and credit limits without checking if these customers are able to pay back their borrowed money. Consequently, these people sign up for these facilities to buy various luxurious items over their financial limit and end up in bankruptcy. For example, in 2007, the economic crisis in the United States led to a lot of people applying for bankruptcy because they were unable to pay back their bank loans due to their overspending. To tackle this predicament, governments should offer some protection to these people by passing laws to deter people from taking loans. By implementing laws that allow loans to be granted based on salaries, people would only be allowed to apply for loans that they could repay back. As a result, these individuals will more careful while spending their money. For instance, similar initiatives were carried out in Japan where people were allowed to apply for loans based on the percentage of their salaries, and the bankruptcy rate has declined in the country since then. In conclusion, some individuals are in debt for buying unaffordable things because banks offer them loans and other financial assistance, which they can not pay back, and governments should pass laws to deter people from taking loans by restricting their credit limit.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are in debt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Possible spelling mistake found.
unneedful
things that they can not afford. The main cause of this problem is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banks
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
over their spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limit
and the most viable solution is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
to restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from taking loans.

The
Did you mean "principal" (=main)?
principle
reason why few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are in debt is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banks
entice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into taking credit cards and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
by offering them attractive interest rates. Major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banks
and lending corporations
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
calls to prospective clients and offer them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
and credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limits
without checking if these customers are able to pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
back
their borrowed money.
Consequently
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up for these facilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
various luxurious items over their financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limit
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in bankruptcy.
For example
, in 2007, the economic crisis in the United States led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
applying for bankruptcy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were unable to pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
back
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
due to their overspending.

To tackle this predicament,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
protection to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by passing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
to deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
. By implementing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
to
be granted
based on salaries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to apply for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
that they could repay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
back
.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
will more careful while spending their money.
For instance
, similar initiatives
were carried
out in Japan where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to apply for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
based on the percentage of their salaries, and the bankruptcy rate has declined in the country since then.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are in debt for buying unaffordable things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banks
offer them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
and other financial assistance, which they can not pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
back
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should pass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
to deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
by restricting their credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limit
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? ” v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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