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It is generally seen that most working people do not do enough physical exercise What are the reasons behind this? How can this problem be solved? v.2

It is generally seen that most working people do not do enough physical exercise What are the reasons behind this? How can this problem be solved? v. 2
There is a general notion that many individuals working do not exercise frequently. This essay will discuss the reason behind this, including demands from career life and a sedentary lifestyle. In addition, this essay will suggest solutions to this problem, including maintaining balance in life in every aspect and changing habits. The two main explanations for the inadequate workout routine of the working class individuals in the society are job demands and inactive living. Many adults work in white collar jobs, therefore, for their time is not theirs, but their employers. As a result, people labour long hours trying to keep up with the demands of their jobs. The consequence is that they cannot decide to take out time during the day for exercising. Furthermore, many white collar jobs are sedentary. For example, in many offices, tasks are done on the computers without a lot of moving around, which reduces the physical activities of the employees. Maintaining a balanced lifestyle as well as incorporating walking exercises can go a long way in improving one's physical behaviour. A working individual can decide to visit the gym during his/her break. Also, a change of habits can also solve the issue of an inactive lifestyle. For instance, a person can decide to use the staircase instead of the elevator or a person can decide to walk in place of taking a taxi. In conclusion, many individuals in the working class do not do sufficient exercise. This write-up explained that the reasons behind this problem are working demands and inactive life. This write-up also recommended solutions which can help ease this problems, which includes work-job balance and habit changes.
There is a general notion that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
do not exercise
frequently
. This essay will discuss the reason behind this, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demands
from career life and a sedentary lifestyle.
In addition
, this essay will suggest solutions to this problem, including maintaining balance in life in every aspect and changing habits.

The two main explanations for the inadequate workout routine of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in the society are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demands
and inactive living.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
adults work in white collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
therefore
, for their time is not theirs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their employers.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
long hours trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demands
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. The consequence is that they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
to take out time during the day for exercising.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
white collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are sedentary.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
offices, tasks
are done
on the computers without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
moving around, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the physical activities of the employees.

Maintaining a balanced lifestyle
as well
as incorporating walking exercises can go a long way in improving one's physical
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
to visit the gym during his/her break.
Also
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of habits can
also
solve the issue of an inactive lifestyle.
For instance
, a person can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the staircase
instead
of the elevator or a person can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
to walk in place of taking a taxi.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
do not do sufficient exercise. This write-up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
that the reasons behind this problem are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demands
and inactive life. This write-up
also
recommended solutions which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
Did you mean "these"?
this
problems, which includes work-job balance and habit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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Persian Proverb

IELTS essay It is generally seen that most working people do not do enough physical exercise What are the reasons behind this? How can this problem be solved? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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