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Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford What are the reasons for this behavior What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem. v.1

Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford What are the reasons for this behavior What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem. v. 1
There are those who are indebted for purchase of unnecessary and non affordable goods. This is caused by lack of planning and having a well planned budget can be a preventive measure. The main reason for unnecessary expenses is lack of planning. People work to make ends meet, but if resources are not well apportioned, it will be spent extravagantly. Hence, to ensure effective utilization of ones earning, proper planning is optimal. Due to the unending needs of humanity, it is difficult to curtail what is actually needed. Therefore, it is important to carefully plan and prioritize the items needed and accord each its monetary value. For instance, a research carried on on salary earners revealed that those who do not plan to spend their money on thing that they can do without. Thus making them financially constrained. The solution to reckless sending is Budgeting. Making a budget is simply organising your expenditure to be equivalent to the available income. Most individuals make lists of their needs to ensure that they do not deviate to buying what is not listed, expected amount is also allotted to each item. Thereby making them know how much they will be spending and what is left. This, makes them spend wisely as they don't go above their budget. In turn, they conserve ample sum and rely on what they can conveniently buy. For example, budgeted items with stipulated amount are rigidly followed when one goes to a mall with exactly the amount of money planned preventing the individual from buying things that are not on their list. In conclusion, planning beforehand and writing out all the individual need will help curb the problem of buying things spontaneously especially the ones above the person's financial ability. Therefore, it is recommended that people should plan in advance according to their earning to prevent buying luxuries and being in debt.
There are those who
are indebted
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of unnecessary and
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non affordable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. This
is caused
by lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
and having a well planned budget can be a preventive measure.

The main reason for unnecessary expenses is lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if resources are not well apportioned, it will
be spent
extravagantly
.
Hence
, to ensure effective utilization of
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
earning, proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
is optimal. Due to the unending needs of humanity, it is difficult to curtail what is actually needed.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
carefully
plan and prioritize the items needed and accord
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "its monetary" or "each monetary"?
each its monetary
value.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
carried
Possible typo: you repeated a word
on on
salary earners revealed that those who do not plan to spend their money on thing that they can do without.
Thus
making them
financially
constrained.

The solution to reckless sending is Budgeting. Making a budget is
simply
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
your expenditure to be equivalent to the available income. Most individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
lists of their needs to ensure that they do not deviate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
what is not listed,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
amount is
also
allotted to each item. Thereby making them know how much they will be spending and what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
. This,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them spend
wisely
as they don't go above their budget. In turn, they conserve ample sum and rely on what they can
conveniently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
For example
, budgeted items with stipulated amount are
rigidly
followed when one goes to a mall with exactly the amount of money planned preventing the individual from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
things that are not on their list.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
beforehand and writing out all the individual need will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
curb the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
things
spontaneously
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
above the person's financial ability.
Therefore
, it
is recommended
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should plan in advance according to their earning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
luxuries and being in debt.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford What are the reasons for this behavior What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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