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In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g literatures), boys tend to choose science subjects (e. g physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? Do you agree or disagree? v.6

In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g literatures), boys tend to choose science subjects (e. g physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? v. 6
Although male students are willing to build a career in science, female students are keen to take craft classes in order to become a well-known artist or sculptor. Personally, I reckon that this tendency is beneficial for both men and women. There is no denying that art cannot be a lucrative business for many individuals. In this reason, male students should concentrate on the physical demanding jobs and science. A good illustration of this is researching, because in order to achieve success in this sphere, individuals should be dedicated and hard working. Furthermore, art is gentle. Consequently, women can create remarkable objects, because of their natural abilities. To illustrate, many well-known paintings and craft objects are created by women. On the other hand, there is an opinion that this trend should be changed. However, there is a plethora of reasons why it is beneficial not change this tendency. First of all, in order to work creatively and productively, people should work in the sphere, which they are skilled. In this regard, women are big fans of art. To illustrate, many of them interested in singing and dancing, whereas men are keen to take part in sport competition. Secondly, many women cannot find a work-life balance, if they dedicate a significant amount of their time to their occupations. It is widely accepted that raising children can be challenging for parents. However, women do their best in this activity. As a result, they often cannot find a free time for their job. For instance, many females are not working in developing countries. To conclude, although there is an opinion that this trend should be changed as soon as possible, because of its unbalance, personally, I believe that this tendency is beneficial for both men and women, because they are skilled at their spheres.
Although male students are willing to build a career in science, female students are keen to take craft classes in order to become a well-known artist or sculptor.
Personally
, I reckon that this tendency is beneficial for both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women.

There is no denying that art cannot be a lucrative business for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals. In this reason, male students should concentrate on the physical demanding jobs and science. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is researching,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in order to achieve success in this sphere, individuals should
be dedicated
and
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
.
Furthermore
, art is gentle.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can create remarkable objects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their natural abilities. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
well-known paintings and craft objects
are created
by women.

On the other hand
, there is an opinion that this trend should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
However
, there is a plethora of reasons why it is beneficial not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this tendency.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in order to work
creatively
and
productively
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should work in the sphere, which they
are skilled
. In this regard,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fans of art. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them interested in singing and dancing, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in sport competition.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
cannot find a work-life balance, if they dedicate a significant amount of their time to their occupations. It is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that raising children can be challenging for parents.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do their best in this activity.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cannot find a free time for their job.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
females are not working in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.

To conclude
, although there is an opinion that this trend should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its unbalance,
personally
, I believe that this tendency is beneficial for both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are skilled
at their spheres.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g literatures), boys tend to choose science subjects (e. g physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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