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Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elswhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elswhere. v. 1
The issue of the artwork contributes to the economy has become a controversy over about contemporary society. Despite the government have allotted funds of crafts, individuals are ought to allocate the budget in a more valuable project. Personally, I entirely disagree with several reasons. To embark on, the asserting of procurement on the arts is an impressive concept to use nowadays. The possession of these artists is having beneficial for two reasons: a less juvenile crime, and a more livelihood profit. First, the central reason for this is the petty crimes are more likely to decrease because of the youth programs. Take, for example, the school of arts is flourishing by improvements which showed a drastic increase in the enrolled by 30% compared to the last of a year 3% increased. Therefore, the younger ones prefer to be educated on handicrafts rather than involving themselves in crimes. Furthermore, it should not be forgotten that the business firms were probing prospective employees who learned to craft to work, so most of them were hiring artists, and the people that usually show creativity are the ones who have outstanding aptitude. To illustrate, most of the items were sold out in the furniture shops during trading session; hence, it was crafted by the well-known artist. Thus, it is conclusively clearing that this creation of art is generating income. To conclude, individuals pulling out the budget of arts to pave way for other projects will have no impact on the economy. Therefore, it is clear that this approach will not improve the current situation, but rather it aggravates the poor standing of many disorderly youths. After a thorough analysis, it is predicted that criminality will be rising tremendously affecting most of the up children.
The issue of the artwork contributes to the economy has become a controversy over about contemporary society. Despite the
government
have allotted funds of crafts, individuals are ought to allocate the budget in a more valuable project.
Personally
, I
entirely
disagree with several reasons.

To embark on, the asserting of procurement on the
arts
is an impressive concept to
use
nowadays. The possession of these artists is having beneficial for two reasons: a less juvenile crime, and a more livelihood profit.
First
, the central reason for this is the petty crimes are more likely to decrease
because
of the youth programs. Take,
for example
, the school of
arts
is flourishing by improvements which
showed
a drastic increase in the enrolled by 30% compared to the last of a year 3% increased.
Therefore
, the younger
ones
prefer to
be educated
on handicrafts
rather
than involving themselves in crimes.

Furthermore
, it should not
be forgotten
that the business firms were probing prospective employees who learned to craft to work,
so
most of them were hiring artists, and the
people
that
usually
show
creativity are the
ones
who have outstanding aptitude. To illustrate, most of the items
were sold
out in the furniture shops during trading session;
hence
, it
was crafted
by the well-known artist.
Thus
, it is
conclusively
clearing that this creation of
art
is generating income.
To conclude
, individuals pulling out the budget of
arts
to pave way for other projects will have no impact on the economy.

Therefore
, it is
clear
that this approach will not
improve
the
current
situation,
but
rather
it aggravates the poor standing of
many
disorderly youths. After a thorough analysis, it
is predicted
that criminality will be rising
tremendously
affecting most of the up children.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elswhere. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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