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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing for example through cellphone tracking and security cameras In many cases the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening Do you think the advant v.2

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing for example through cellphone tracking and security cameras In many cases the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening Do you think the advant v. 2
Teenagers are prohibited by law from leaving school and taking full-time employment in many parts of the world. Having a legislation that bans child labour is not only desirable but necessary because it protects children’s right in education, prevents their exploitation in dangerous industries, and guarantees their physical and emotional welfare. Firstly, it is undeniable that full-time employment interferes with juvenile education. Students who work for long hours do not have enough time to focus on their studies which lead to academic failure. Consequently, their prospect to have a career and financial security will be ruined. Moreover, Research has shown that children who work full-time jobs are more likely to be illiterate and live in poverty as adults. Therefore, laws that restrict youngsters labour are key factors in eradicating illiteracy and poverty. Furthermore, child labour law prevents exploitation of youngsters in hazardous industries. Disadvantaged children in poor countries are routinely forced to work in farms, mines and textile industries for meagre wages. Most of the time they work in dangerous condition for long hours. For instance, children as young as 4 years are forced to work in the cobalt mines in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Cobalt is used to manufacture lithium ion batteries for portable devices such as smartphones, tablets, laptops, and electric cars. Many of those children were injured or died while working in cobalt mines. Recently, major technology corporations such as Apple, Microsoft, and Tesla were sued and accused of driving child exploitation in cobalt mines. To conclude, I believe that having a law that prevents child employment before age 16 is desirable because it protect children against exploitation, and ensure their right in education and a bright future.
Teenagers
are prohibited
by
law
from leaving school and taking full-time employment in
many
parts of the world. Having a legislation that bans
child
labour
is not
only
desirable
but
necessary
because
it protects
children’s
right in education,
prevents
their exploitation in
dangerous
industries, and guarantees their physical and emotional welfare.

Firstly
, it is undeniable that full-time employment interferes with juvenile education. Students who
work
for long hours do not have
enough
time to focus on their studies which lead to academic failure.
Consequently
, their prospect to have a career and financial security will
be ruined
.
Moreover
, Research has shown that
children
who
work
full-time jobs are more likely to be illiterate and
live
in poverty as adults.
Therefore
,
laws
that restrict youngsters
labour
are key factors in eradicating illiteracy and poverty.

Furthermore
,
child
labour
law
prevents
exploitation of youngsters in hazardous industries. Disadvantaged
children
in poor countries are
routinely
forced to
work
in farms, mines and textile industries for
meagre
wages. Most of the time they
work
in
dangerous
condition for long hours.
For instance
,
children
as young as 4 years
are forced
to
work
in the
cobalt
mines in the Democratic Republic of the Congo.
Cobalt
is
used
to manufacture lithium ion batteries for portable devices such as smartphones, tablets, laptops, and electric cars.
Many
of those
children
were injured
or
died
while working in
cobalt
mines. Recently, major technology corporations such as Apple, Microsoft, and Tesla
were sued
and accused of driving
child
exploitation in
cobalt
mines.

To conclude
, I believe that having a
law
that
prevents
child
employment
before
age 16 is desirable
because
it
protect
children
against exploitation, and ensure their right in education and a bright future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing for example through cellphone tracking and security cameras In many cases the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening Do you think the advant v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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