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Tell a story about yourself. What animal, plant, or another non-human thing would you be? Describe your abilities and traits. You may choose to speak about a person you know well, instead of yourself. v.4

Tell a story about yourself. What animal, plant, or another non-human thing would you be? Describe your abilities and traits. You may choose to speak about a person you know well, instead of yourself. v. 4
In this expeditiously transforming world, the role of a woman in the various sectors is a highly debated topic, and attracts a lot of opinions. Some people believe that they should have equal contribution as men in the armed forces, but others tend to differ. In a progressing country like India, I believe that equal opportunity should be given to both men and women. To embark on the side which supports women to join military force, some reckon that today, women are equally qualified and capable of handling the diverse sectors extremely well. We can observe ample of cases where women have excelled and conquered their respective fields. For example, Kalpana Chawla, renowned astronaut, who was successful in leaving a mark in space or Indira Gandhi, first woman Prime Minister of India, who was competent enough to run the prodigious country well. Accentuating the compelling outlook, which restricts a woman to join the army or other forces, contemplates that they are not physically strong enough as a result, they might not be able to survive in harsh climatic conditions. For example, in Siachen, where the temperature drops to -50 degrees Celsius, staying alive is a challenge. Moreover, their biological differences might create hindrances in training and other field activities as a result, the efficiency will get dwindled. Apart from the physical aspect, some savants propound that most women are timid at heart and emotionally weaker than men, thus putting them last in the line. To summarize, I contemplate that women should be given equal chances as men, and should be encouraged to join the armed forces. If they are successful in fields like business, science, technology and others, they will put maximum effort for this as well. Sidelining them for some prejudice is not as appreciated way, as they have the capability to handle it proficiently.
In this
expeditiously
transforming world, the role of a woman in the various sectors is a
highly
debated topic, and attracts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
opinions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that they should have equal contribution as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in the armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others tend to differ. In a progressing country like India, I believe that equal opportunity should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and women.

To embark on the side which supports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reckon that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
equally
qualified and capable of handling the diverse sectors
extremely
well. We can observe ample of cases where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have excelled and conquered their respective fields.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalpana
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chawla
, renowned astronaut, who was successful in leaving a mark in space or Indira Gandhi,
first
woman Prime Minister of India, who was competent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to run the prodigious country well.

Accentuating the compelling outlook, which restricts a woman to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the army or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
, contemplates that they are not
physically
strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
as a result
, they might not be able to survive in harsh climatic conditions.
For example
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Siachen
, where the temperature drops to -50 degrees Celsius, staying alive is a challenge.
Moreover
, their biological differences might create hindrances in training and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
field activities
as a result
, the efficiency will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
dwindled. Apart from the physical aspect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
savants propound that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are timid at heart and
emotionally
weaker than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
,
thus
putting them last in the line.

To summarize
, I contemplate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal chances as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, and should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
. If they are successful in fields like business, science, technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
, they will put maximum effort for this
as well
. Sidelining them for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prejudice is not as appreciated way, as they have the capability to handle it
proficiently
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Tell a story about yourself. What animal, plant, or another non-human thing would you be? Describe your abilities and traits. You may choose to speak about a person you know well, instead of yourself. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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