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T P O 10 - Question 2Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use details and examples to explain your answer. All children should be required to learn a second language in school. v.1

T P O 10 - Question 2 . All children should be required to learn a second language in school. v. 1
Nowadays, more and more professionals from underdeveloped or developing countries are choosing to live and work in richer countries. This migration will lead to problems such as skills shortages and economic stagnation in their hometown. Increasing the pay scale and offering better living standards for skilled professionals are the ways to retain talent. First of all, one of the major problems caused by such brain-drain is a shortage of experienced, which makes it difficult for poor countries to achieve economic development and improve the living standards of their poor people. Due to lack of skilful such as doctors and teachers, the citizens of these countries struggle to get basic facilities such as medical and education. For instance, a recent survey conducted by WHO (World Health Organization) revealed that the mortality rate is higher in underdeveloped countries due to shortage of skilled doctors. In addition to this, because of such migration of professionals, poor countries depend on foreign technical aid which costs them billions of dollars and further aggravates their economic instability issues. To illustrate, in 2011 the economy of Venezuela almost collapsed due to their huge spending to get foreign technical aid. In other words, transfer of skilled professionals from least developed or developing country creates problems such as skills shortages and economic instability in their countries. Secondly, however, there are various solutions to these problems such as offering better pay scale and better living conditions. One of the reasons professionals leaves their country, is to get better salaries and benefits. So, the officials can offer better salaries along with incentives to competent to entice them to live and work in their province. Another possible solution is to improve the standard of living, as every person is looking for a better standard of living. The authorities of these countries can spend their budget to improve the standard of living of its citizens by borrowing funds from external banks. In short, better pay scale and good standard of living are the best possible solutions to be undertaken by developing/underdeveloped countries to stop the shifting of talented people. Finally, adept professionals are leaving their underdeveloped homey because they do not have adequate opportunities there. Unfortunately, this shift hurts the development of their motherland and to stop this, the governments should launch special schemes and employment opportunities for the educated and aspiring youth.
Nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
from underdeveloped or developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are choosing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and work in richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This migration will lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shortages
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
stagnation in their hometown. Increasing the pay scale and offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
for skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are the ways to retain talent.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by such brain-drain is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shortage
of experienced, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
of their poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Due to lack of
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
such as doctors and teachers, the citizens of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
struggle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
basic facilities such as medical and education.
For instance
, a recent survey conducted by
Did you mean "whom"?
WHO
(World Health Organization) revealed that the mortality rate is higher in underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shortage
of skilled doctors.
In addition
to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of such migration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
depend on foreign technical aid which costs them billions of dollars and
further
aggravates their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
instability issues. To illustrate, in 2011 the economy of Venezuela almost collapsed due to their huge spending to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
foreign technical aid.
In other words
, transfer of skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
from least developed or developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
creates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shortages
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
instability in their countries.

Secondly
,
however
, there are various solutions to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
pay scale and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
conditions. One of the reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
salaries and benefits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the officials can offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
salaries along with incentives
Did you mean "too competent to"?
to competent to
entice them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and work in their province. Another possible solution is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
, as every person is looking for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. The authorities of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can spend their budget to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
of its citizens by borrowing funds from external banks. In short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
pay scale and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
are the best possible solutions to be undertaken by developing/underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the shifting of talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Finally
, adept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are leaving their underdeveloped homey
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have adequate opportunities there. Unfortunately, this shift hurts the development of their motherland and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should launch special schemes and employment opportunities for the educated and aspiring youth.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay T P O 10 - Question 2 . All children should be required to learn a second language in school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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